Just Breathe.

The last few weeks have been filled with lots of anxiety, stress, ups and downs. This week is the culmination of it all. Today is meet and greet at the local public school elementary where Isaac is enrolled. I feel like I just sold my kid to the devil. I know I shouldn't make such a big deal out of this, but I can't help it. I have had so many impressions and inspiration about this child and how to best educate him, and now I feel like I'm just turning my back on the last 2 years and putting him in robot school.

My heart is heavy. I just don't know what to do at this point. I guess I can always pull him out, and homeschool him again. I wanted to read The Highly Sensitive Child before he went to school, but I only on the first chapter. I guess I'll be spending a few nights up crunching it, just in case my assumptions are correct.

I know there are plenty of kids who go through the public school system and do just fine. I know education wise he'll be just fine, if not bored with the cookie cutter subjects. I'm still planning on after schooling, so I know he's getting the education he needs to have. Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't I just be like any other mom, who celebrates going to school as a crucial rite of passage, and most importantly a break from children. Aside from playing for 30 minutes with new friends, I just don't see the good in this.

It's 9 am. I have to be at school at 11. I'm hoping I can be strong enough to not have a melt down while I'm there and most of all pretend that I'm excited for Isaac. After having to convince him that this will be good, now I have to convince myself. I have to do it, for him....

Womanly Power? Let me hear ya holla!!

Hi!

So we're settling in just fine, despite wanting the husband to be around to give me a break from these monsters I seem to have brought into this world. I am at this point wondering why I'm pregnant again with Watermelon.... But the beauty of it all, which sometimes the world doesn't seem to understand is that I along with a microscopic help from my love (no disrespect to his fatherhood), get to choose to create life inside me once again. Personally, the fact that God entrusted women to create life proves our divinely appointed importance and in many ways supremacy, but really this post is not about who's better, it's about giving credit to women where it's deserved.

Let me start venting....Today in sunday school we discussed the Stripling Warriors. Currently my all time favorite story of the Book of Mormon: It's like watching an action packed war thriller with innocent little kids who go through the hardest ritualistic process of self development and become immortalized heroes all due to their warrior mothers who have taught them to be the best! Can I just say, they should've picked me to teach that class?!  Our new ward is great, and there are many a scriptorian/expert historical analysts, and most women would have had a problem taking a complete feminist lesson and bringing it to life in front of so many expert men.  That's I they should've picked ME to teach the class. Maybe I'll enlist myself to talk in sacrament about this topic.

As the instructor starts, she mentions she wants to focus on the leaders of these amazing 2000 kids in the story. She then proceeds to group the "mothers" as parents. And of course, there was Heleman, their military leader.  First,  this story which is comprised of a few long chapters, needs to be covered in more than 45 minutes of Sunday School.  Second, we could easily spend 45 minutes talking about one of the various attributes of these mothers, and how that common attribute led their 2000 boys to become the Stripling Warriors.

When the instructor mentioned grouping the mothers as parents, my heart skipped a beat. Then came a comment from a brother that suggested that most of the men had died in fighting (makes historical sense if you read the story) so these kids were being raised by single mothers.  A totally valid point, and EVEN MORE reason to credit these warrior women! Someone else mentioned that some of the men were already away fighting which is also probably true, do you see my point? I guess my problem is this.  We live in a world where women don't get enough credit for what we do. These women despite being husbandless temporarily or permanently were raising beyond extraordinary boys.  These women deserved to have at least one chapter written just about them.  But instead we get little snippets of verses giving some long overdue credit to mothers and we choose to oversee and downplay them???

That's my problem. We don't get enough credit for what we do. We never have, and despite how much we seem to fight each other and the opposite sex we never will. Only in Heaven, really Heaven, will we get all the credit we so deserved here in this life. And if I don't get it there, sorry I won't stick around. It's already hard enough to belong to a religious body whose culture keeps perpetuating the downplay of our abilities, intelligence and capabilities because we are supposed to stay home and take care of our children.  ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!  Do you NOT know what that means?!!  And for you women reading this, let me tell YOU something: I don't know how you see yourself. If you choose to stay home, you better know why you're there and do your best damn job while at home.  If you are against women who work, judge them or whatever, we are all doing ourselves a HUGE disservice by picking sides.  If you are a career woman and have never spent a week raising a child, girl, let me tell you something: YOU got it EASY!

Bottom line is: We should all be on the same side, the women's side.  I bet the Amazons didn't deal with all the backbiting of career women vs stay at home mommies.  Somebody has to do this job! If you have chosen to stay home and do it, then NEVER again judge the women who have chosen to go out and earn a living.  If you are a career woman, thank the women who have chosen to concentrate their efforts in raising citizens who can one day make the world a better place for you. Like yours truly.

Ok, I feel better now.
It's time to start joining our own cause and fight back. Holler if you agree!

Why classical education

Once in a while I have friends ask me about homeschooling. This was a response I started writing to a friend and decided to post it as a blog so others can read and get answers: I hope in some way that my experience had a slight influence on your considerations. I have talked extensively with M'Liss and Tara about getting more people interested in homeschooling in the ward. I know some are considering a co-op but I don't know how long it'll take for them to get going, and it may be only for middle school. So my biggest reason why I chose the WTM curriculum is that it is a type of leadership education. Besides the Thomas Jefferson education, I don't know of other leadership Ed curricula out there. The WTM is very language based(helps the child build a super strong foundation in language by understanding how language is constructed from the get go), trains them in logical and critical thinking, and grooms them in persuasive and rethorical writing and public speaking. Moreover, it teaches the classics which helps one learn and study morals and principles, a rare find in books nowadays. The curriculum has endless lists of great books, it purposely is against your regular library book, which may attempt to write about a moral but its vague stories offer no thoughtfull and compelling anecdotes to real life. A book that really got me thinking about this was Joseph Campbell's The Power Of Myth. Another wonderful part of the curriculum is history. You can start your child in 1st grade or 2nd(most classical schools I've visited start them in the ancients in second grade). I was way too excited to start and am so glad I did. Isaac is now an Egyptologist/ archeologist if you can a 1st grader one! Once in a while I'll ask him about where he would want to go if he could travel anywhere in the world and he says Egypt, always! I think he has watched every documentary on Egypt that netflix has. As a family who believes in God and the creation, I just loved starting history as it should logically start: from the beginning. One of the best parts of homeschooling is that one can integrate all subjects, you can run a completely interdisciplinary curriculum with a whole child approach. We've talked about the preexistence, and how that came before the world, we discuss evolution freely, and I love speculating about it, I even once compared Sargon the first known dictator to Satan. "Coersion and threats take away freedom, and you know who was the first person to try that?".... I have to admit another pull towards a classical education for me personally was learning Latin. Obviously it is not a requirement, but for me it is of the utmost importance. Having a latin based romance language in my back pocket, has opened up doors to learning Spanish easily, carrying simple but frank conversations in Italian in 9 days, surviving France, and even having an advantage is English. Thank heavens for cognates! As I read or even watch spelling bee contests I'm often amazed at how much I know because of one romance language derived from Latin. It is very important to me that my kids learn Latin, mainly because of the languages influence by it. Also how easy would medical and/or legal a terms be to a person who knows Latin? That to me is a big advantage while studying, wouldn't you say? In any case, if you choose to keep your kids in school, there's still so much you can do with them. Since this year I will be working at the clinic, I will have to put Isaac in school. Unfortunately it's not possible to put him in a classical school this year, but I'm devising a plan and hope I can carry it out with the help of his teacher. I want to have a syllabus of what is being covered so I can do reinforcement activities at home, get more in depth, find other solutions and answers to what is being taught. With such an emphasis on standardized testing, and the fact his school receives a 10 makes me wonder if the teachers are concentrating on teaching only for national tests. So I'm still planning to do field trips and activities outside school as well as teaching the subjects they don't get in school yet like history, geography, and reinforcing grammar and language arts. The WTM curriculum is one you can use for "after schooling" too. We've spent a whole day making a mummy that came in a kit I bought when Borders went out of business (Our history curriculum has a recipe for mummifying a chicken, but I just couldn't do it), we also made hieroglyphs with cookie dough, you can see them in the kids blog. We like to read books and watch their movie versions, do science activities on vacations (especially on the beach), Usborne has archeology and science kits, and as more people are turning towards homeschooling more products are popping up. We've researched and celebrated Passover, talked about the Exodus before eating Seder, made drawings of the 10 plagues and glued them to popsicle sticks, and painted our door red Another great resource are the forums. Www.ldshomeschooling.com, welltrainedmind.com among others give you great ideas, for all kinds of things. Amazon.com has everything you can possibly want to buy too! The possibilities are truly endless when a mothers is willing to teach their children. That's all for now...

Moving...on.

I just realized I haven't even posted the blog about moving. Having a blog for the kids and my blog is hard. Not enough is happening to write on both. But at this point most people know we are leaving Santa Fe for good. It has been almost 4 years and Mike and I thought we would be here until we retired. How things changed when our kids became old enough for life outside mom's cocoon! All of a sudden I didn't want them gone at all from under me.

As fun as Santa Fe is for adults, this is not a child friendly place. Sure I'm overly sensitive to a lot of things and especially when it comes to my children, but I have had my feelings validated by others. Some have already moved away, others are still here, but an amazing opportunity presented itself and it's hard to pass up. We are taking these little cuties of ours and moving them to a more child friendly place, with lots of grass and lots of rain for rain puddles and rain rivers.

Last week I was in Redmond looking for a place to rent, and getting familiar with the clinic Mikey is purchasing. The week before I was driving Isaac to golf camp, and he said: "Mom, I'm so excited to move to Washington. I'm going to have a totally different yard to play in, I will have grass, and maybe even a sandbox!" So I was setup to find something with a playground or a sandbox or a huge lot that they could explore all day in. Oh the things we do for our children....

I'm lucky that one of my BFF's from college lives 15 minutes north of me. We've been staying with them since the first trip in December. On the way from Bonnie's house to the clinic this last week, I noticed two places on the Redmond-Woodinville Rd (Redwood Rd) that teach golf to kids, in fact has private lessons for the entire family. Wherever I look, there are so many things for kids to do. Luckily for the kids, it wasn't too hard finding a house with a playground, about half of the homes I looked at had playgrounds in the yard. It's such a  great thing to know I won't have to be taking them to parks to play all the time.

And talking about time, it looks like I'll be working with Mike in the beginning. So Isaac will be going to school. I'm so bummed about it, but at least there's one advantage: he'll be a scout sooner! He's been bugging me to get into scouts but he's not even 6 yet. Apparently if you're in school you can start Tiger Cubs, so he'll be doing that (I hope). Bella will be going to a wonderful Montessori that is 5 minutes from the clinic.

Oh man...as exciting as it is to be working again, I'm so hesitant to put Isaac in public school. I only hear raves about the schools in Redmond, but I'm so biased against the school system. I feel like I'm going to have to unteach on a daily basis. I actually wouldn't be so against it if he were older, but where as the curriculum and style of learning in elementary is so different than what I teach them, it'll be interesting to see how I can mix the 2 to ensure he gets the right language arts foundation. I have to keep an open mind, maybe it won't be as bad as I think. Looks like I'll be busier than I expected.

I have met a few Brazilian families and in their neighborhood there are about a dozen of them. Most working at Microsoft. All the kids are in Jiu-Jitsu with a Brazilian teacher and love it, I can't wait for Isaac and Bella to have Portuguese speaking friends!

Being happy in religion.

I'm not sure how or why but I've always had spiritual experiences. The first time I remember having them I was about 10 or 11. These experiences seemed to have a pattern. They always happened when I was questioning something.  When I was 15, I received my patriarchal blessing and the first thing that stood out to me was a part that said I "shouted for joy".  That was so telling of me, of the fact that personality is not so much genetic but come from your pure essence from God. Those 3 words, confirmed to me that I would never change, I was loud and boisterous from my beginning, and frankly I loved it!

So growing up, I had always questioned authority. It was no wonder I lived away from home since almost 13. First I ended up here in the US for 6 months, then I went back to  Brazil and moved in with my aunt and uncle for another 6 months, then I went back home for a while. I was tough to handle I guess. After one of the strongest, hardest, and most beautiful spiritual experiences of my life, at barely 15 I left my family one last time and moved permanently to the US. My mother felt like a failure, I had no relationship with my father really, so here I was...

When things weren't quite going right, some type of answer would come. Through a blessing, through scriptures, through someone, through pure conviction that I was a fighter.   Learning to fight though didn't come for a long time after.  But those experiences were always there, I remember the first time I saw that Footprints poem about Jesus holding the guy through the tough times, and I thought: "Oh that was made just for me."

Consequently my testimony of the  Gospel has been acquired through individual and private experiences that are not necessarily the norm. It sounds weird to say, but it's truly mind boggling to me, that members of our church who completely believe in current revelation, not just through prophets, seers and revelators, but our own individual right and privilege as well as capacity to receive, don't quite know or think of using that gift. When time comes for questioning for seeking answers to doubts, they simply look for other men to give them answers.

I should one of these days, make a conscious effort, of counting how many times a day I get a divinely inspired thought. Maybe I should do a week's project to see a pattern of daily guidance. Some are so minuscule, it's hard to tell if it's just me, but then something related to that thought happens and I realize it wasn't just "me." Then there are the big ones, the ones I call the "slap in the face experiences." Using my own jargon, I have to admit I really like being slapped. It makes my ego realize that I don't know the answer to everything, that I'm not as awesome as I think I am. That I am a mere human being trying to progress in life "just like everybody else."

Lately there have been a few experiences of varying degrees. One that seems to happen to most of us, is closely related to a hindsight-20/20 type. We are in the process of getting ready to move to another state to actually grow roots there. We thought we were growing roots here. But one day this week as I woke up and was thinking about our impending move and how exciting it is, I had almost like a flash back of the last 4 years in one second, how we've been preparing for this move without even knowing it. This has been somewhat of a sudden decision, even though the process has taken a couple of months. But we never expected to be moving, we've really enjoyed living here. But that flash back was real and is really hard to deny. It seems like since Mike and I have been married we've had quite a few of these, where WE both notice God's hand.

So you see, religion and church, to me are much more than what I read in books or hear from the pulpit. It's ethereal, ubiquitous, surreal at times even because spiritual experiences seems to good to be true. It's a daily commune that happens, many times it requires no canonized scripture, sometimes it does and it's amazing what I can learn when tuned into the right channel, sometimes it happens as I'm struggling to teach a universal truth to my children, sometimes it happens while I have my precious 5 minutes without kids in the shower, sometimes I just pick up the pen and start writing words of comfort and wisdom that appease my mind and heart about an issue I have. I'm not saying I don't need the establishment, I desperately need structure although in theory I don't like it.  But why should I question the establishment when it makes me happy, when it strengthens me? I strongly believe, we all have the right to question, and to receive answers to those questions, it's part of our own individual journey and progression. But as I read last week on a blog post, I agree with the author: my doubts, my theories, my struggles with whatever are better addressed in a setting like church. I think most people's are too. And I'm so grateful for the freedom I have to believe or not, and be happy while I live!

Struggling to write.

For the first time in the life of this little blog, which has been a mixture of so many things I've come to realize that I have too much to write about and don't feel comfortable with it being public. I've been on a progressive learning kick ever since Helen (Mike's mom) passed away almost 5 years ago. This kick is not about to let up, and as I learn and formulate ideas, concepts, conclusions in my head I want to make sense of them by writing.

I've thought about how nice it would be to share with the blogosphere in hopes that anyone could benefit from my thoughts, but really...who in the world cares to know my individual inner feelings and struggles? Only one person, and He knows everything without having to read my blog.

I have to admit, I dance to a different beat, and walk a path that most don't. It's a path of self discovery, self purging, self sacrifice, learning about what truly interests me and what's beneficial for my family's future.   Buddhism believes that reality is illusion, and to a good degree so do I. As I learn to detach myself from what we think is reality, I've come to realize that most people who know me, may think I'm charting down a dangerous path of insanity. A church book I've been reading has made me realize the types and depths of illusion in the world as well as in the church culture of today.  Some of the things I think and feel and would like to write about in order to make more sense of them(because that's how I happen to receive a lot of revelation), could offend, and raise doubts, create unnecessary problems, tension etc.

With all that said I'm struggling. I'm not sure if I should keep writing here, or keep a journal instead. It's not my intention to write anything that could be viewed negatively by anyone. I only want inspiring, positive, motivational feelings to come out of my posts. I know that the reader is the one who controls their feelings and make their own conclusions. We all have our choice in choosing to be upset about something regardless of the intent of the other person, but even then I just don't want to cause any trouble because these are my thoughts. They are not written for anyone, they are written for me and my children only! So I can keep organizing and stacking them in the depths of my brain and soul for future use and relevance.

Do I get out of the blogosphere, do I make it private to those who know me, because I certainly know many eyes will be watching as they have since the beginning of internet monitoring.... What a struggle.

The Cup I've Been Given.

At 3:45 this morning I was wide awake. I'm not sure if it's because I'm excited for the day or depressed because of what happened yesterday. Certainly I'm at fault and I have no reason or desire to hide that. I'm still human and I get hurt and defensive too.

In the book Girls On The Edge, author Dr. Leonard Sax talks about the difficulties of our age involving girls. He mentions that one of them is obsession. Girls are obsessed with different things thus some may have a weight/anorexia obsession, others may have a school/grades obsession, sports/competitive obsession, and I found out I have my own. Actually I was reminded I have my own, I already knew I had this problem. A few people in my life have doubted me, my capacity for achieving and accomplishing goals. You can tell it's an obsession because I talk about it a lot. My obsession is to prove them wrong. I've been labeled lazy, quitter, disorganized, unmotivated by many throughout my life.

Because of this, I'm obsessed with starting something and finishing it, with doing my best, with being a perfectionist. Sometimes I feel like my efforts go unnoticed, unappreciated. Like all the time I spend on my children educating them, disciplining them, nursing them back to sleep countless nights in the last 5 years, healing them when I am in need of healing, taking care of them every minute of the day means nothing. Sometimes it feels like I have to fight and pull teeth to get anything done. When I get burned out (which happens very often) there's no remedy for my soul and aching body.

That's when usually a gentle nub, reminds me of Someone greater than me, far more important than me, who understands my plight, who has suffered more than I have. Although my mission is somewhat muddy in my eyes, I understand it and I accept it. But His mission was crystal clear and he also accepted it with faith unwavering. Watching the new video the LDS Church has put out on Christ's atonement, brings everything into perspective. It gives me comfort that MY time is not yet at hand. I'm not quite done with my work. As Christ says "My Father hath given me this cup, shall not drink it?", I too have been given a cup and have chosen with all my free will to take it and drink it. My cup is nothing like his cup, could I even dare to compare it to one drop of his blood? ...Nope.

My problems shrink and disappear in front of the massive and infinite atonement He suffered for all of us. His example will forever remind me of what unconditional love means. It doesn't suffice to say it or feel it, it sufficeth to act on it no matter the circumstance. There's no muscle growth unless there is muscle exhaustion. There's no gain without some or a lot of pain.

I will keep trying to be even as He is.

At-one-ment

Juice Day 4.

Man this is hard. I've had no motivation to eat all that the reboot tells me to eat. I haven't had one soup, I've had a couple of salads, but mainly I stick to juice. It's so much easier. However, last night I had to leave in a hurry for Time Out For Women and ended up having a PB&J sandwich. How can a person love eating salad, but hate preparing them? I need to change. This juice thing is just the part of the metamorphosis for this year. And, it seems to me the clear issue here is that I don't take the time to take care of myself.

I'm not very high maintenance: I don't always care to have the latest fashions, I don't care about make up, I don't wash my face and put night cream on, I don't know how to do my hair besides curling it or putting it up in a pony tail. If anything takes more than 5 minutes to do, I don't care for it. It seems to me I don't care much about  anything.  I think I'm perceiving that things just need to change so that I can feel and be a better person.

I think my mom's health issue is still digesting in my brain. I have the determination to do things, but I do too much and end up burning out. It's time to start prioritizing, letting go of getting everything done all the time, relax a bit more and de-stress, and enjoy learning how to take care of myself.  SO DANG HARD.....

So today is day 4. I actually was craving a salad today so I made myself one, but not from the list just from what was in the fridge that would take less than 5 minutes to make. Bella helped me eat it. I think being in Utah next week, I'll enlist my mom to make the salads while I make the juices. That will help me to stay more focused on all that I have to eat....

On a happy note it looks like I've lost 2 lbs. I'm also noticing that I'm not suffering as badly from spring allergies, my immune system must be getting stronger. Yay for cleaning out my cells of inflammation and  toxicity!!

Juice Day 3.

Day 3 went by really well. Nothing but feeling great. I don't know if it's just the feeling of putting awesomeness into my body or if it's the actual nutrients making me feel this way. Still feeling skinny, especially around my waist. I'm starting to wonder if my suspicions of being allergic to wheat are real. I've felt "skinny" before when I just happen to not eat wheat products. But this time I'm feeling much skinnier, and it's probably due to no wheat consumption. I'll have to see how I feel once I introduce wheat back into my diet.

Carrots + oranges + tomatoes + purple cabbage. 

I'm scared of having the raw soup. Not because it's raw, but because I'm not a fan of cold food at all. Unless it's salad or dessert...I guess I'll try it today, if I can't stand it all I'll have to do is heat it up.  Yesterday I tried purple cabbage juice, I think part of enjoying the juice is enjoying the fresh and bright colors the veggies produce. :)

Juice Day 2.

Day 1 was good. I've been eating better for the last 10 days, trying to avoid gluten and protein.  The first week was tough I started to feel tired, but it was only for 3 days then my energy picked up. Now as I start the real juice fast I'm already feeling clean inside. Feeling skinny, if it's possible to feel that way.

Can't wait to see how I feel at the end, I hope I can keep going until I get to Utah next week. Woohoo!

Juicy.

Two weeks ago I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I love documentaries! Especially ones about health. That's when I decided I had to try juicing. Sounds kind of weird saying that I'm juicing. I feel like a pro athlete juicing up on steroids, ha!

So I went out and bought a juicer and started trying it out. I threw together whatever I felt like would taste decent, and much to my surprise the greens flavors or bitterness are totally masked by fruits. I'm in love. I was supposed to start my 5 day juice fast last Friday, but my juicer broke on Saturday. I went nuts. I have gone 4 days without juice and I'm craving them. I would never think your body would crave the healthy stuff like I've been. But it's happening.

My new juicer is here and it promises to be much better than the last one. It should be, for its price tag. I just hope it lasts as long as our Vitamix blender has: 8 years and counting...

While I was trying out concoctions, here are some pictures of what I was up to:

This was my first juice, I know I had kale and orange but don't remember much. It was ok.

It can get pretty expensive to juice if you do it all the time. I think Mike and I will do a 3 to 5 day juice fast once a month. Or.. just have one juice a day within our normal diet. I seriously don't know why it took me so long to consider this. This fits perfectly into my life plan, it fits perfectly into the word of wisdom. I worry so much about my kids, and feeding them only the best possible food. This is seriously Heaven sent.

This one was my all-time favorite so far: red beets, carrots, apples, kale, spinach, oranges.

As we've been trying new flavors, this beet one has been awesome for the kids too. They've enjoyed it just as much. Bella thought it was blood, but was courageous enough to take a sip and kept asking for more.They get really excited to help because they love watching the food be smashed into smithereens.

This is what my all-time favorite looks like unblended, I simply love the colors. It makes me feel like I'm going to paint.

We made one the other day that they just loved: oranges, apples, spinach, and strawberries. It was perfectly sweet for the kids. Talk about a great way to get all their servings of fruit and veggies in on a daily basis.

This is all the went into the juice below. Very tasty.

 Who needs vitamins?  Just kidding I'd still take vitamins, but this is seriously the best form of getting all your nutrients. Fresh goodness!

I know green is not necessarily what we're using to drinking, but it seriously tastes so yummy and it has made me feel so good knowing that all that raw freshness was going directly into my veins.

This is what my fridge looks like. All that food cost me about $90. It'll last me 3-5 days. It's definitely not something to do everyday, it does get expensive. But once a month, not an issue.

I'm in love with juicing. Today I start my official 5 day juice fast. I can't wait to see how I feel in 5 days. I'll be going up to Utah in a week and depending on how things go I'll extend the fast to 10 days. I've already got my brother to do it with me once I get there.  I think my mom and dad will do it too. It'll be just like when dad would make us freshly squeezed orange papaya juice back home in Brazil.

Project #4.

So this morning Mike and I were at it again, nicely discussing something about our new bathroom that we disagree on. That reminded and motivated me to post pictures of the results. So here's what our bathroom looked like before the remodel.

I thought I had more pictures of it. I guess I'll explain that on the left across from the sinks, was a closet with sliding mirrored doors with brass trim, white carpet on the floor and through the door was the toilet and 2-piece shower/tub combo. The shower head was at about 5'7" so both Mike and I had to squat in order to put our head all the under the shower head. Yeah, fun......

First thing that had to go was the wall in between the shower and the sinks. As much as it would be lovely to have a water closet enclosed in its cozy little room, we just didn't have the space. And opening up the exterior wall to add another 3 feet to the bathroom just really wasn't an option.

Second thing to go was the weird closet. I do miss having a full length mirror, but I'll be adding one to the bedroom. Not wanting to lose the storage space, I planned for two towers and some more base cabinets which gave us more storage area than we actually had with the old closet. To keep the tight space from feeling claustrophobic, I'm adding a mirror on the wall above the base cabinets.

See where the blue tape is? There will be a framed mirror spanning the 4 feet width between the two towers. I chose limestone for the floors, and was able to find a killer deal on a lighter grey limestone for the countertop. It even has fossils on it, the kids love looking at it. It goes really well with the grey limestone on the floor.

So instead of having a tight shower/tub combo, we opted for a very spacious walk-in steam shower. We are loving having space to shower and not having to squat to get our heads under!
I have a friend who always asks me where I get all these unique pieces or materials. Nothing special, I just look and look, and look a LOT! I got both my mosaic glass and limestone tiles at Home Depot. I also got my shower on Amazon.com and thank goodness for Amazon Prime that lets me get all the free shipping my little heart desires. The shower is actually from AKDY, but it is sold on Amazon. My sink faucets were also from Amazon and my cabinets are Ikea. Yep, you read right. Ikea makes the coolest modern cabinets for those who are value oriented.  You could also get the same type of cabinets (also made in Europe) and spend tens of thousands on them!

So...to get to what Mike and I don't agree, here's another picture.

Mike and I disagree that we should have a garbage can in this spot or anywhere in bathroom where it will be seen. I will not say who thinks what, but I will say that Mike thinks I'm wrong and that any interior designer would say so. What do YOU think?

Now eating: a piece of humble pie.

So last week we got back from visiting two dearest friends in Seattle. Jen was one of my all nighter buddies in the design studio during my college days. Bonnie was my all nighter party friend during my college days. Great memories I have with both. (just realized I sound like Yoda).

I am completely in love with Washington and the greater Seattle area. Completely. I blame the Twilight series for that. Seeing all that vibrant chartreuse moss growing on tall evergreens made me have Northwest fever for a long time. I think I'm becoming dehydrated in the Southwest. I'm in love with the moss, yes! I'm also in love with humidity, I'm programmed to live in humid conditions. I'm in love with how family friendly Washington state is. I loved driving through Redmond and seeing Ron Paul signs all over the place. I love how lush and watery it is everywhere. And even though, it drizzles constantly, seeing the ocean seriously soothes my soul. Call me crazy! It's not the slightly-arid  sandy beaches of Northeast Brazil,  but seeing that water and the smell of fresh non-farmed seafood,  makes me feel right at home. Not to mention that in doing research for homeschooling, I found out a few weeks back there there are such things as Classical Christian Schools, and the Seattle area has about 5-6 of them. So while I was there hanging out, I needed to go and check them out. That was when I took my first huge bite of humble pie.

I've been teaching Isaac with an infuriating passion for learning and for proving people that I can do this thing. Frankly, I can't always be the dictator I would enjoy being because after all I do believe in freedom of choice down to its very core, which is more than most people feel comfortable with in my SOF. I've been so proud of him and yes I have to admit, of myself for getting him a year ahead for his age. First school I visited was having an open house, how convenient! First graders in that school know ALL the countries in the world, ALL the continents each country belongs to, AND can point out where ALL of these countries are. My kid knows where Egypt and the Nile Delta is and where Mesopotamia once was He knows where Brazil is, but can't remember all the time that its continent is SOUTH America. Yep, I was humbled.

Second school I visited, I had no idea I was going to sit and watch the 1st grade class for 45 minutes. While there, they practiced their penmanship by writing new words the teacher gave them; spelling them, figuring out how many syllables each word has, adding phonetic signs to them to show how they are meant to be pronounced. They also sang a cute little jingle about sentences having 5 things in order to be complete, complete, complete. Then they proceeded to analyze a sentence and point out its subject, verb and adverb. Not ONE of these kids looked back at us during the 45 minutes, ALL eyes were on the teacher, their handwriting was better than mine (and I've always thought I had good handwriting). So my kid knows what a noun is and can tell you about common nouns and proper nouns, is writing decently for a 5 YO boy, and can read at beginning 2nd grade level. I did ask the teacher what kind of drug she was giving them to make them sit perfectly still, arms and legs to themselves for 45 whole minutes. She just said they set the expectation very high, and since kids a resilient they reach high to meet them. Another huge bite of humble pie!

Then Bonnie decides to show me her gym. We got to Boot Camp, which is taught by a girl. I'm thinking: "Well I run almost every day at 7000 feet above sea level this shouldn't be too hard." We start with jog/sprint intervals of 1, 2, 2.5 minutes then go straight into 50 deep squats. That's where I was done. That was about the first 10 minutes of class. I finished the class, I'm not going to let those "other" girls beat me by 50 minutes. But after push ups, lunges, bosu ball exercises and crunches I seriously don't know how I made it to the car. Bonnie kicked my tush. She's been doing this class for a while, and it  was so good to have a great friend and fellow volleyballer to work out with. The class was followed by a volleyball game at night. I could barely run for the ball. Another piece of humble pie! Bonnie and I  had different sore areas and for a brief 5 minutes we both realized that we are getting older. Our bodies just don't bounce back like they used to. It took 5 days for all the lactic acid in my quads, hams, and gluteus to make its way out.

The last piece of humble pie was eaten a couple of days ago. Talking to my mom, she tells me she has just discovered she as a 'modern' illness in her colon that is caused by industrialized foods. It's crazy to think that my mom whom for the last 20 years has been nagging us to eat better, wholesome foods, and has had in her growing up years fresh produce from her dad's small farm, has now an illness caused by industrialized foods. It seriously hit home. I'm so much like my mom, not just in personality but also in physical/biological aspects. If I ever want to see myself in the future all I have to do is look at my mom. That's scary. I hope that my last 5 years of healthy eating will count for something, but I'm seriously considering a more extreme approach to our diet. Vulnerability is just not something I feel very often, I'm not wired to feel that way. However I am still human after all and I'm starting to realize that I am vulnerable, that's the biggest humbling experience of all!

A mean mom.

I hear this on a daily basis. Better yet. Almost an hourly basis. In the alternating hours, I hear "Mommy, I love you so so much" or "I love you my lovely." So which one is it? Is it just me going through emotional roller coasters all day, or are my kids following suit?

Yes, I have to admit I seem a lot more mean than most moms. I lose my cool and raise my voice and I guess there's no justifying it. However, I have always had a loud voice so it has taken me a long time to tame it down to where it is now. It's sad though that my kids only hear me when I yell their names.

This is a hard equilibrium to achieve in daily life. One minute you're cuddling up to those priceless beauties you created in your vessel of life, and the next minute you're screaming bloody murder and putting them in time out. In my case, time out and bloody murder generally don't happen at the same time. I count to 3, lately to 2,  and it's time out time. The screaming comes when I ask usually about 5 times for toys to be picked up about 5 times during the day. Do the math and that's 25 times a day.

I know there's that cute little saying about cobwebs and babies who don't keep, but I'm sorry I enjoy a clean house and so does the honey. There's another little invisible friend who enjoys too, the Holy Ghost. I shall never forget a story told either in general conference or the RS general meeting when a lady who had a messy house was prompted by her visiting teachers to go to the temple and to pay attention to how things run, how things 'are' and how she felt there. The result was that she learned to keep an uncluttered, orderly house and it made a difference even in her relationship with her husband. I also will never forget a few years ago when I had just cleaned the kitchen and my mother was staying with me during that time. She said she immediately felt peace and well being when she walked in.

I love my children,  and I love teaching them to be better people even if it hurts their feelings for 5 minutes. I clean up the toys more when I have friends over with their kids, than I clean up an entire week after my own kids. I like that very much. Is it really a crime? Can someone really say I'm mean for making them clean up after themselves? Sure they are little, but you have to start somewhere.  I didn't learn to be organized until I was in college. I bet I could have learned a lot more, and had more time for other interests if I had learned it sooner. Is it mean of me to make them earn and pay fake pirate coins for their toys? I like to think I'm teaching them the value of work even if they don't quite realize it yet. After all, I don't want them to end up blaming others when they don't achieve their  dreams because they didn't work hard enough.

Am I really mean, for pushing them to learn above their age level? Beethoven was taught to play the piano by his father at 4 or 5. Some say he would stand there crying in front of the piano. Jean Francois de Champolion was 7 when he became obsessed with Egyptian history and consequently in his late 30's, he deciphered the Rosetta Stone gifting us with the language of Ancient Egyptian civilization. Tiger Woods was 3 when he started playing golf with his father. Please tell me why, I should look at my kids in any other way than the amazing potential that they truly are? I believe in progression, I believe in eternal life, I believe in paying the price to achieve greatness. I don't see why, while I work on those things myself, I cannot usher my children into a higher level of behavior, thinking and achieving.

Some times, when I compare myself to the mom next to me, it's easy to see I run a military style household. I easily seem tyrannical and dictatorial. While I would never want to be  compared to the Tiger Mother, I do take pride in raising well behaved, well spoken, happy children with a passion for learning whatever is thrown at them. They have to make their beds (I do help once in a while), they have to brush their teeth and put toys away before playing with another one. And in return for all that, they get to eat  expensive gluten free pancakes and with Grade B maple syrup, lots of probiotic drinks and candy-yogurt as well as homemade wholewheat bread, organic fruits and veggies while playing on iPads during our countless travels throughout the country. Someone tell me these kids are not lucky to have such a mean mom like me?  They can call me what they want during 'sunny time.' At the end of the day when it's 'sleepy time', they still snuggle up to me to read bed time stories, kiss me and tell me they love me. And that's when I know the daily struggles and labels are all worth it.

Looking back at project # 3.

Isaac's old room is now Bella's new room.

So project #3 was finished last summer, but I've been refraining from posting pictures because I wanted to have all the decor installed. As I started looking around for my special ideas and pieces to complement the kid's rooms, I started to get the bug to move. YES.. to move! Poor DH, he has to deal with a crazy woman who thinks she's normal. So last fall he told me, that it made his life much easier when I wasn't constantly jabbering about moving to the beach, or this or that about where we live now.  So I stopped. 

The old office is now Isaac's new room. Note the ugly bookcase.

Between all trips I hadn't planned for the rest of last year and the new start of project #4, I've lost track of the walls of my kid's bedrooms. Now, I'm almost finished with project #4 so I figured I better get on and post some pictures of last year's bedroom remodel.


We have 4 bedrooms in our home. One on the bedrooms you could get into it from the foyer and from the bedroom hallway.There was a huge built-in bookcase in too, so we used it as our office for a long time. We decided to make it into a real bedroom, so we closed the door next to the foyer, leaving it accessible only through the hall. We took down the bookcase too.


2 things I'm obsessed with: Minimalism and the beach. One of my favorite quotes is from Antoine de St. Exupery: "A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away" I couldn't agree more. Pairing those two together keeps me sane and you know how that old saying goes; "When mother is happy, everyone is happy." I won't rest until I get my million dollar beach house.


First thing to go was the carpet. I won't go into the details about the alcoholic couple that owned this house with white carpet. We changed the carpet to a brown color, which will probably be outdated in 30 years but for now it looks awesome! Because we're remodeling in steps, it's been harder to  choose a main color for the walls, but I chose a light taupey grey that goes really well with the carpet and won't class the wood floors (the future wood floors that may never happen). The rooms had a dingy lamp and I replaced them with bright lights built into the fans. I love fans, can't live without them.

Our horrible closet doors in every room.

In Isaac's room, we were left with an  indentation on the walls because of the eliminated door and bookcase in Isaac's bedroom. The indentation lent it self to a perfect accent wall which I chose to paint in a deep teal. I love how that turned out. Where the bookcase was, I've a humongous wall map to go there, but I'm waiting for our construction guy Rob to finish our bathroom before bothering him to install it. I am a little worried about the over all feel that will bring to the room though. I'm already feeling like Isaac's sailboat collection is cluttering the room too much. Last year when we were in Brazil I took an awesome shot of Isaac and grandpa on the boat and I've been meaning to turn it into a huge canvas to cover that wall too. I just have too many ideas and I'm not sure which one I'll like best. 

The 2nd door into the room was right where the bookcase now stands.

In Isabella's room, I considered an accent wall too. Since I had such a hard time finding what I wanted for her bedding, I ended up going with a different approach. Her bedding is pretty busy, and so is her headboard. Because of the baseboard heaters and a Feng Shui "no-no", her bed cannot go anywhere but there. So I decided to paint her closet doors as an accent instead. I really liked how her room turned out too, except I wish the grey was a shade darker to make the white pop out more. But I'm not in the mood the paint all those walls again for third time. Long story....

In our bedroom, I painted a light shade of blue and made the accent our kiva fireplace. Kiva fireplaces are very popular in Santa Fe and a lot of people paint them in crazy colors. Because our bed was bought specifically for our house in Saratoga Springs, the leather headboard now looks out of place everywhere else. Luckily the shade of grey I chose for  walls matches the leather headboard OK. So I went a few shades darker to be at about the same value as the headboard. At least the headboard has something that complements it now. Our bedroom is currently serving as a "catch-all" for our bathroom remodel. So no pictures of that for now.


I'm pretty happy with project #3. I wish I had posted these sooner. In probably 2 weeks I'll be posting about project #4 already. Time flies.....

I love even years.

So I have a confession to make. Sometimes the high I seem to ride for most of my life, disappears. Yep, I get down. This week was one of those weeks. I can't even attribute it to PMS because.., well I don't know where I'm at with my cycle. I never do unless I'm trying to get pregnant which I gave up for now. The crazy thing, is the day before I got super depressed I was talking to a friend of mine about that very thing. She and I both are homeschooling mamas and were talking about how all these negative thoughts can enter your head when you're doing really well, and then BAM! All of a sudden you're down.

Thanks to God Almighty for his love and blessings, the longest day of the year so far is over and newer days have come and gone. I'm mostly back to myself. I remembered my friend saying how she needed to wake up and read the scriptures before she did anything else because it's the only way to make it through days like that. I find myself recommitting to that good habit, and following her self-prescription. It's amazing how a perfect and loving Heavenly Father can make little miracles happen in our lives to helps us keep on moving forward. Yesterday as I finished the last chapter of the Book of Mormon, my iPhone went straight to this talk. Take some time to listen.

LDS Women Are Incredible

Need I say more? It's time rev it up, put our shoulders to the wheel and push along. In the words of a dear friend, "Kick it up a notch!"  I'm already 13 days into the NEW year and have nothing to show for it. It's even my favorite type of year, an even numbered year. I'm committing myself to hurt a lot this year. No pain, not gain. No guts, no glory. If you read this, you better get movin' too. May I just remind ourselves of this beautiful saying someone came up with:

Happy New Year to all of us survivors, fighters, warriors, and above all women!