If Life Bring you Lemons...What do you do?

*WARNING: I'll be using pinches of allegories all over this post.

So this is a recurring theme in the last couple of decades in my life, isn't it for everyone? The first decade I didn't even realize life brought you lemons. The second I was around a lot of lemons, some were mine but most were other people's. I hardly ever saw them making lemonade with them. So when I heard the famous saying here and there, it didn't really stick. I'm a hands on learner, what can I say? The third decade of my life has seen quite a number of lemons, but this time, I've been around people who have made lemonade before, so that helps. And so I started to make my own lemonade, and I guess what? I've learned to love the whole process from the lemons showing up at my door step, all the way to enjoying the lemonade. Isn't that what life is about?

Digging deeper into the concept of lemons and making lemonade with them, It turns out the lesson here is choice. And girlfriends, the choice is none other than yours! For the last couple of months I've been so focused on a specific desire, that I've been completely growing my own lemon tree. So when the lemons started to get ripe, I would do as most do and complain that life had brought me lemons. It took a little miracle or two for me to stop gazing at the grass on the other side of the fence and notice that it was time to make a lot of lemonade and enjoy it all. Yesterday I started reading The Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman, and right off the get-go I was reminded of making lemonades.

A quote by the Ninja Warrior in the book, another by conficius and a PB&J sandwich got me thinking....Here goes the quotes in sequence:

"When you start to take full responsibility for your life, you become fully human, and when you become human you may discover what it means to be a warrior".

"Only the supremely wise and the ignorant, do not alter"

"A construction worker in the midwest complained  every day because always he had a PB&J sandwich for lunch, he complained so much his friends started to be bothered by it. They said: "Why don't you tell your old lady to make you something else, if you don't like the PB&J?  He said "I'm not married, I live by myself and I make my own sandwiches."

Moral of the stories: You have your own choice to do what you want. If you don't like something change. When you take responsibility for your life you'll empower yourself to achieve great things. I've been on a warrior kick as advertised by my blog's title. LOL! Actually this kick has been in me, I think for eons of years, but I've only really realized it in the last couple of years. So because of it, I've been also semi-obssessed with how can I become a better person in all aspects of my life. Whereas a few years back, I would get offended if someone judged me and said something bad about me, now I love it! I know it sounds weird, but it's really hard to discover your own faults and flaws on your own. You really need the help of others. It kind of works something like this: someone accuses you of doing ___________, or believes you are ____________ or other. I take those statements and go play hide and seek inside myself. If I find that those statements are true, I consider the impact of changing because once I take responsibility, it becomes my duty to see change happen. I make goals and try to be alert so those things don't happen again. If I find that they are false, I try very hard and most of the time succeed at not holding against the person. This is the hardest part really, but I try to think of where I was before I discovered that I could empower myself and learn from my mistakes. I was just there too! This gives me empathy for that person, because hopefully and eventually they'll grow in their own way too and become a better person.

So going back to the morals of the stories. I've been dealing with my lemons and looking at the green grass on the other side of the fence, without noticing how it was making my life not so fun. Eventually a change of heart happened, and I decided to make lots of lemonade. The lemonade lately has been delicious! And as a result I feel amazing for trying and conquering my own 'grass is greener somewhere else' issue. A little note that I don't really want to make, but I think it's worth considering. Like I mention before, when life gives us lemons we tend to complain. I know it's hard not to, heck I do it all the time. The key is to realize we are complaining and look for the positive. You never know who is hearing and how that is making them feel.  As it has been happening with me, there have been a couple of people complaining about their lemons, and unfortunately it has affected my ability to make my lemonade with my lemons. I think that part of the process of taking responsibility for your choices is understanding that there's a universal law called Consequence. You will not EVER be able to make a choice without consequence coming, sometimes it comes right behind your decision and at times it lags some. Consequence eventually shows up though! Sometimes it stays longer than you want, sometimes it's super quick and goes away fast. You gotta think of  consequences, and if you don't like them you know what to do: Alter, as Confucius said. And realize the choice is ALWAYS yours...

Motherly Investment 101.

I don't know if anyone else out there has noticed the decline of parenting lately. Maybe I've only noticed because in the last 5 years I have become a mother myself. Unfortunately, with the decline of parenting comes the decline of offspring. Somehow, I think parents haven't noticed the end result and the fact that it is their fault. On my "To Read" list is a book called Your Kids Are Your Own Fault: A Guide For Raising Responsible, Productive Adults, I have miraculously figured out how to enjoy learning about my own faults and how to work on them. I feel very strongly that in order to teach by example, one must change oneself. And in my case, if I want my children to learn something, I will be the first example to watch. Don't mind that my list is infinite, a person can only eat an elephant a bite at a time. So here's to at least one mother learning to improve, to teach her kids to improve themselves.

I have made mentioned both here and on my children's blog about homeschooling, but I haven't completely explained my reasons. If you go to this page you'll get to read a bit about the process I went through to get to the final decision to homeschool. It was an agonizing process, trust me: homeschooling was the last thing in my mind and the least desirable option for me. Especially coming from someone who was an athlete in High School and wants the same for my children. Part of the process was prayer and fasting, with fasting came a conviction and clear answer of what I was to do. I don't know how people react when they receive revelation or divine inspiration to act on something. I can only speak for myself that the veil gets thinner and my eternal perspective gets clearer. For the last 8 months I have thought about the result of the process and I'm still wondering if the decision to homeschool was for my benefit or for my children's benefit. On my part, after about 3 years of searching for my mission in life, I was given an answer. And the answer is that I'm responsible for teaching, molding and influencing  my children. There's a bit more to it than that which is too personal to talk about, but basically this is what I'm supposed to do.

You know how Ghandi said that "we should be the change we wish to see in the world?" Well, that's where the conviction part comes into play.  I have noticed lately  the decline of  good quality youth in our world. During the entire process, I came to the conclusion that I will not let it be the case with my children. I will fight to the death to teach them correct principles and morals, to influence them for good, and teach them to recognize the still small voice. This is  gift that has been given to our lineage, and we have been made aware of it for the last 3-4 generations. I will teach them to recognize this gift in themselves from an early age. Luckily I have been blessed enough to be in a position to spend  my time this way. I watched a video once, where the presenter mentioned that until the age of accountability, evil cannot tempt the little child however it can still influence them. The presenter proposed that if children are taught by parents how to be influenced by the Spirit and discern good and bad well until they turn 8, it gives them a much better chance  to stand strong  and uphold their values in bad situations. For some reason that really stuck to me, and I felt the Holy Ghost confirm this to me. With this understanding, and my desire to ensure that my children are taught correctly from the get-go, I've decided the best way to achieve that is to have them stay home with me a few more years. I will be not only their mother, but their teacher for these crucial years when the seedlings of a good education and a desire to learn are planted. Once those seedlings take hold and are growing strong, it will be up to them to decide which direction they want to go with their education. At that point they will have the choice to go into a broken public system, stay home and educate themselves, find an interesting private school, or a combination of all. Take it with a grain of salt, there's a caveat: it may seem like all I'm doing is sheltering my children or turning them into robots, but what I'm trying to do is get them to a point where they can start formulating their opinions and making choices quicker. After all that is why we are here, isn't it? No matter what anyone says, nothing can be built upon without a sure foundation, and I'm willingly and excitedly ready to sacrifice whatever comes my way for the foundation of my children's lives. This is what I call motherly investment 101.

As part of the process of receiving revelation, Mike and I went to the temple. I was 100% convinced that homeschool was the answer I had received, but if you know me you know that 100% is not quite enough. I had been struggling with educational choices for a few months, and when I came to Mike and told him my thoughts on homeschooling, he looked at me like he was trying to find his wife in here somewhere. After the temple we went to a bookstore, our favorite pastime before  we had kids. We both went straight to the homeschooling section of the bookstore, and we each chose different books to read. There were no chairs close to each other, so we separated and went to read for a bit. When I came back to Mike he was reading a book called The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home (Third Edition). He looked up at me, and said: "If you want to homeschool the children, I will support you 100%. After reading the first two chapters of this book, there's nothing I want more for their education."  And that's how our curriculum was chosen. In the weeks that followed, I did some research about types of educations and curricula. The reasons why we chose The Well Trained Mind (WTM) as our curriculum were many. It's a classical education, which appeals to us very much because of the amount of thinking one has to do. All focus is on language: tons of reading, grammar, composition, rhetoric, speaking skills etc. On Mike's side, he loves to read and he reads to the kids every night. He wanted to remind himself of what he learned while the kids were learning it for the first time, and to travel with them as they learned and saw things in person for the first time. It's all about the experiences for Mike. My reasons were personal first, educational and travel related second. First: I have been prone to be undisciplined in the past, but the last few years as a career woman had me obsessing about sales goals daily. This was so bad, that for the past  2 years that I haven't been working, I have really struggled with a list of house chores and feeling like I had not achieved anything throughout the day.  So with a structured curriculum I knew "I" would do really well. I, was the one who needed to do well with the curriculum since I would be the leader and teacher. Having developed a hunger for books in the last 7+ years, I loved the idea of reading to the children and teaching them to spend their free time reading instead of wasting time watching TV or playing video games. Entertainment Tangent: My reasoning on that stems from Elder Oaks talk "Good, Better, Best" he gave in General Conference a few years back. This is talk seared in my brain, and it'll stay there for many a year to come. Read it, and make your own conclusions.

So with the curriculum chosen, we decided to do a test run. I would teach Isaac how to read, and WTM curriculum is completely biased towards phonics based reading. So I decided it was time for me to learn English phonics since I didn't get to learn English that way. We spent a total of 3 months, and Isaac learned how to sound out just about every word, comprising most of all the phonics rules. As he reads now, we correct him on the irregular words that don't follow the rules. He's reading at 1st grade level, and is just now starting Kindergarten. The WTM curriculum asks that we start children in 1st grade work when they have learned most of the phonics rules.  So we are starting Isaac in 1st grade work this week. Having organized his schedule, he will spend about 30 minutes on math everyday, 2.5 hours on language (grammar, spelling, writing, reading) everyday, and 3 hours a week on History and Geography, as well as 2 hours a week on Science. I have to remember that he just turned 5 and he really is supposed to be in Kindergarten, because I'm getting overwhelmed about how to keep him going while making sure Bella gets enough attention and does some type of educational exercise. Meanwhile, he'll have playgroup and Karate on Tuesdays, and Soccer on Saturdays. Once all our travels have stopped and we get back to a normal routine, we'll add swim lessons to the schedule.

For Portuguese Readers

Algumas amigas tem me perguntado sobre educação "caseira". Nao sei se é assim que realmente chamam em Português, mas vou continuar chamando assim por aqui. Como no  Brasil nao é legal ainda tirar uma criança da escola, voce pode adaptar o curriculo do TWTM pra qualquer situação. O que me fez escolher esse tipo de educação, foi mais essa convicção que eu tenho que ensinar os meus filhos e nao o mundo aí a fora e que eles nao vao aprender tudo o que devem ou podem na escola. Dentro desse curriculo existem muitas listas de livros que as mães podem ler com seus filhos para que eles possam aprender mais sobre historia, e pessoas importantes. O ruim da escola normal, é que eles separam as materias e elas não devem realmente ser separadas. Por exemplo, em relacao a materia de historia, ela deve ser contada como uma estoria, e nao quebrada e introduzida sem alguma consideraçao ao tempo. Eu acredito que é mais facil aprender e continuar lembrando de eventos historicos quando voce aprende a historia do começo até os tempos atuais. E é assim que esse curriculo ensina a historia. Em relacao as materias de matematica e ciencias, nao é tao necessario aprender tudo com relacao ao tempo histórico. Mas as experiencias ciêntificas são tornam mais interessantes quando as simples podem ser feitas em casa e as crianças podem fazer muitas perguntas. Do que eu tenho lido e aprendido, eu tenho visto que se eu mesma tivesse tido essas experiencias provavelmente teria aprendido muito mais na escola e teria aproveitado mais do meu tempo educacional. Como  minha casa agora é a escola, tudo que meus filhos me perguntam vira uma aula. Eu concordo com os autores do curriculo e acredito que nos devemos desenvolver um habito neles de perguntarem sobre tudo. Isso gera mais curiosidade e mais perguntas que ajudam eles a aprender e desenvolver a vontade de aprender.

Eu tenho adquirido nos ultimos 3 anos um testemunho muito forte sobre o conhecimento. O conhecimento é uma lei divina. Ninguem vai chegar ao mais alto galardão sem antes aprender tudo o que precisa. As vezes eu tenho a impressao que muitos membros da igreja, pensam que é só fazer os convenios no templo, ir a igreja toda semana e vamos todos pro reino Celestial. De jeito nenhum! Nós estamos aqui para obter o maximo de conhecimento possivel, e eu tenho uma conviccao enorme disso e procuro melhorar meu conhecimento e aprimorar meu carater para que eu possa ensinar meus filhos ao fazer o mesmo. Essa fundaçao espiritual que eles precisam, nunca será ensinada na escola ou só em 3 horas cada domingo na igreja. Essa fundaçao é nossa responsabilidade de mae. Nosso tempo educacional nao é só o tempo que estamos na escola e depois fazendo um curso superior, é a vida toda e em todos os aspectos!

Agora a algumas perguntas que já foram feitas:

- como vc organiza o seu dia para ensinar o Ike? e o que faz com a Bella? quantas horas por dia? segue um programa ou a corrente do unschooling?

Eu acredito em estrutura e esse curriculo do WTM tem estrutura e organizaçao.  Eu sigo o curriculo letra por letra, e organizo os horarios de acordo com tudo o que acontece aqui em casa. Por exemplo: Eu vou pra academia de manha cedo quando todos estao dormindo e logo depois leio as escrituras. São as duas coisas que preciso fazer pra ter corpo sano e mente sana, senao ninguem faz nada nessa casa. Os meninos assistem 1 hora de tv qdo acordam e tomam o cafe da manha, isso vai mudar pra 30 min ou nada durante a manha. Matematica vem primeiro as 9, por enquanto tenho um tempinho de 15 minutos até Ikinho se acostumar mais com a rotina, pois até agora nós só temos aprendido a ler, feito matemática e praticar a escrita. ao Unschooling, eu concordo que a se a criança tem uma certa curiosidade por algo e quer aprender sobre aquilo, voce deve deixar ela aprender e saciar sua vontade pelo interesse. Mas a estrutura é necessario pelo menos eu penso assim. Eu nao conheço muita coisa que se consegue na vida sem estrutura e disciplina. Entao pra mim essas duas coisas sao essenciais e parte do aprendizado. E essa é a parte do unschooling que eu nao gosto, de simplesmente  deixar a educacao a mercê da criança.  Quanto a Isabella, parte dos 15 minutos de break já é pra estar fazendo algo com ela e as partes de ler no começo que tem que ler sou eu, entao ela tb estará escutando e aprendendo ao mesmo tempo. Ela está quase no ponto de aprender fonetica, acho que daqui pro começo de 2012 eu vou começar a ensinar ela a ler. Entao esse é o nosso horario no momento. Como eu estou começando realmente e oficialmente agora, ele pode mudar.



- mais para a frente como ensinar matérias que não dominamos (fisica, quimica, matemática mais avançada)?

No futuro eu nao sei exatamente o que vou fazer. Pois nao sei qual é a vontade do Senhor.  Como falei na parte em Inglês, as vezes fico pensando que talvez isso nao seja nem tanto pros meus filhos mais pra mim abrir os meus olhos e ver a minha responsabilidade importantissima de mãe. Talvez se eu nao tivesse recebido essa revelaçao nao teria visto o quanto eu preciso fazer por eles, e continuaria tentando buscar algo que tomasse meu tempo e me ajudasse a crescer mais que nao tivesse nada a ver com esse trabalho que só nós como mães podemos fazer. Mas por enquanto, eu penso que daqui pra o negocio ficar pesado com essas materias, tem o meu marido que amava esse tipo de materia e sempre tirou notas boas e eles pode ensinar a eles, ou a esse ponto tb existe varias opcoes. Uma que por aqui tem, é que estudantes do 2o. grau podem pagar materia num community college e que já conta pra materia de faculdade. Os community colleges aqui sao praticamente uma extensao do 2o. grau, as materias nao sao tao rigorosas quanto as de uma universidade mais bem conceituada, tb existem cursos de "home study"  os quais eu mesma já fiz que sao pra estudantes de 2o grau. Quando eu vim estudar aqui, eu precisei fazer 4 cursos pra o poder me formar da high school já aqui nos Estados Unidos existem um ano a mais do que no Brasil. Eu fiz todos em 4 meses pela BYU online. Existem varios curriculos que voce pode fazer online. Tem até uma escola privada SUD em Utah que oferece todos as licoes dos professores na internet. O estudantes assiste pelo computador e faz os deveres em casa.

TODOS os materiais sao em ingles. Nao sei nem como começar...falando ingles em casa?e vc conhece bastante online resources?pq nao da pra comprar nada por aki neh??por causa das taxas de entrega....enquanto eu puder ficar em casa com elas, ficarei, com 6 anos ela tem q ir pra escola....infelizmente. Aqui ainda nao liberaram crianças pequenas longe da escola....so ensino de jovens....e mesmo assim nao foi mto divulgado.

Eu nao acho que seja necessario falar ingles em casa a nao ser que voce queira. Eu faria com certeza por que eu quero que meus filhos aprendam varias linguas ainda como criança, inclusive o curriculo da WTM requer que eles apredam Latim. Nós temos uma vantagem maravilhosa de saber uma lingua romantica ou seja, que vem do Latim. Por causa disso, quando eu aprendi Espanhol foi bem facil e quando viajei pela primeira vez a Italia consegui aprender o suficiente pra me comunicar por uma hora com Italiano com uma mulher no trem, isso só depois de 9 dias. Eu ensinaria todas as linguas que eu sei, e pretendo fazer isso.  Tudo tem seu tempo é claro. Eu procuraria um curriculo que voce gosta, e daí procuraria materiais em portugues ou ingles dependendo do que voce quer fazer. Eu sou completamente a favor do WTM. Eles tem um forum onde voce poder pesquisar o que as perguntas de outras pessoas e fazer suas perguntas. No mesmo site tem uma lista de varios blogs de homeschoolers, e online resouces. Voce tambem pode procurar em portugues, talvez existam pessoas que já tenham adaptado algo ao portugues. Eu acho que o mais importante é estimular a curiosidade e a vontade de aprender e ler bastante. Uma vantagem do WTM é que voce pode fazer muitas das coisas do curriculo para complementar a educaçao escolar. Eu me lembro que escutei uma intrevista da Sister Dew com o Elder Oaks e ele falou que todos os dias depois que voltava da escola a mae dele perguntava que ele aprendeu na escola, e todo os dias ela des-ensinava e re-ensinava do modo certo. Ela trabalhava como professora pois o pai dele faleceu quando ele tinha 11 anos, entao ela era ocupada mas estava ali sempre corrigindo e ensinando o certo.O que nao falta é opcoes. Quando eu fui ao Brasil comprei alguns livros classicos em portugues para que a medida que os meus filhos apredam a ler melhor, eles vao começar a ler os livros em outras linguas tambem, e principalmente o portugues por que eu nao quero que eles esquecam. Creio que cada vez mais as pessoas vao se concientizar do estado em que encontramos as escolas e talvez voces meninas precisarão ser as pioneiras em países onde não existem muitas outras opçoes alem da escola compulsoria. Espero que isso tudo ajudem a voces, a medida que o tempo passa eu acrecentarei mais informaçoes que estou aprendendo.

Father Figure.

Today is Father's Day. In church my wonderful friend D. gave a beautiful and sweet tribute to her father, who is back on the side of the eternal. I couldn't help but let the tears flow as she vividly reminissed on experiences with her father as she grew up. Such a beautiful eulogy! It made me miss my father so much. Dad and I didn't seem to have the closest relationship as we shared the same home, but after I graduated from High School here in the U.S. we seemed to catch up on some lost moments. Some of these memories I have are priceless. I will attempt to write them down, the same way D. did so I can treasure them forever and share them with him.

2-3 YO: Dad or Grandpa had a small catamaran. The type that has a hard mesh area in the middle where you sit. I remember the blue skies no clouds, the water turquoise and warm as usual. As mom held me out to Dad so he could put me on the boat, he cut his foot on a rock or shell. I remember being worried that his bleeding foot would attract sharks. I had never seen one in all the times I had been in the ocean, but I was scared for my dad and wished he would get in the boat already.

4-5YO: We drove down to the São Paulo temple. 4 days in the car, stopping to visit family where we had them along the way. [Tangent: Every time we travelled anywhere we travelled by car, we didn't have money and it was just the only option. I remember Dad's bronze "Caravan" station wagon with all the luggage on top so that we could sleep in the back. He  cut up foam and to fit the shape of the  trunk and it made the best bed ever. We would always leave around 5 am so we could sleep the duration of most trips, which were fairly short.] Back to São Paulo. I was awakened by the thunder outside of the temple's dormitory. We were in the basement and the window that was just above the ground was open. I don't remember the rest of the story, but my parents told me I climbed out the window and went to the playground to play super early in the morning without telling them. I remember the rain and thunder and recall I've always loved thunderstorms ever since then.

5YO: I was camping on the beach with the family. We would go on  rides up the mangroves that flowed into the ocean. We would get on an inflatable rubber boat and paddle up the river and explore the trees and animals living in the mangroves. We had been there a lot, sometimes Dad would ask us to lie down on the bottom of the boat because it was the only way to get the boat through the low hanging branches of the trees. Those were such great adventures.

6-7YO: I really liked the house on the hill in  Campina Grande. I especially liked that it had a concrete bench in it. In front of my window there was a big tree whose branches led perfectly to the tiled roof of the house. I remember Dad sitting there with my brother and I looking through Grandpa's binoculars at the city. I remember the day we left and closed up the Cultura Inglesa my dad managed for my aunt. It was raining a lot, and where the school was it must have been a low area because the water would flood the street and get to the threshold of the school's door. We got in the car and left, a tape with "Celestial" songs played in the tape player. We would often joke that when we got to Heaven we would listen to stuff like Richard Clayderman.

8YO: I'm all in white. Right next to  the bishop's office in the church building was the baptismal font. My dad baptized me, and confirmed me a member of the church. My family members who have always been against our faith came. I remember feeling weird that they were there, with mad faces because they 'had' to come to a church they didn't like  in order to celebrate my birthday. My dad confirmed me a member, and as he blessed me and said the words of the priesthood blessing "receive the Holy Ghost" I felt warm inside. I was wearing a white bride's maid dress made for my aunt's wedding. Just this year in 2011, I visited that church for the first time in about 20 years, some of the same faces I remember from childhood are still attending church there.

9YO: We had a 10x20 plastic pool in the yard. On the weekends we would grill meat, turn on the radio and  swim in our tiny little pool. We were in heaven. We would swim even when the water was green with who knows what. Dad was there some times, and mom would put on special swimming suits that were for Dad's eyes only. I remember my parents were very affectionate and I found it surprising that Americans felt that public displays of affection were awkward and inappropriate.

11YO: Dad had been first counselor in the stake presidency which was comprised of two states, now he is Natal's first stake president.  I remember Elder Martins coming to our house in Ponta Negra sitting with us, joking with the kids, and asking if we would agree to let my dad be the new stake president. I was so proud of him, but then as the months came and went I never saw him. I remember feeling frustrated, I would only see him late at night.  Around the same time, one day I remember him talking to my mom in the kitchen. He was so tired, so down. I remember him telling me about how some people did bad things and they opened a window of opportunity for darkness to come in, and when darkness came in it was disastrous. I never forgot that talk about how there's light and there's darkness. Never  give them an opening, darkness will always tempt you to let it come in. I still see the same window I picture in my head that night.

14YO: I had stayed with mom's best friend for the weekend. Her daughter was my best friend. I drover her boyfriend's car around for a bit, and got scared when I saw a cop car around a bend. My mom's friend found out, and told my parents. A couple of days later, dad asked me to come into his room, he closed the door. We sat at the foot of the bed, our heads almost touching the wardrobes. He was quiet for a moment, then he asked: "If I sell our only car, could we cover the damage you made to your friend's car?" I told him that nothing had happened, there were no accidents. (Dad had let me drive around the block with him since I was 11). He was silent again, then he said I could go. That made such a profound impact on me. He didn't show how upset he was, he just taught me an amazing lesson.

16YO: I was home in Brazil for the summer. I had visited my old modeling agency, and there was a swim wear show coming up. After an argument with my mother about it, my dad sat down with me and talked to me about how it was time I started to make good decisions and that I understood the consequences of doing things that didn't invite the spirit into my life. He once again, acknowledged the rules we had about modesty and about how our bodies are temples. He asked me to think about it for good. My two options were: 1. decide if I wanted to continue to invest in becoming a better person  in the U.S. where I was away from all the temptations, or  2. decided if I wanted fame, recognition and popularity at home in Natal. They were making too many financial sacrifices to keep me in the U.S., and so maybe I should come home.  I chose not to participate, never saw anyone from the agency again, and a few weeks later I came back to the U.S.

18YO: Dad came to my high school graduation.  We took a road trip to D.C. to visit with my aunt at her home.  I remember driving across the country and dad telling me that one thing he never forgot about Grandpa was that he always said: "Primeiro o dever, depois o lazer" (First your duty then your leasure).  I have taken that to heart. We got out of the car in the middle of a lightning storm to take pictures of Mount Rushmore, getting completely soaked in 3 seconds. Every time we stopped to get gas, he would make sure the windshield was spotless.  I remember him saying that his vision of me was a girl divided in half: one side holding a brief case, wearing high heels and a business suit, the other:  wearing a swimsuit, fins on my foot and holding a bodyboard. My car of preference: an army hummer. Saying goodbye to him at the Dulles airport was the first time of many that I cried at airports because I didn't want to let Dad go.

21YO: Around this time, I'm close to graduating from college, and my dad has started to call me Sarah Connor because I'm so strong willed I'm capable of crazy things to achieve what I truly want. It's summer and we're in Florida at my great-aunt's house. Dad is asking me about my plans to go on a mission. I tell him I don't have any and try to back my decision up with Pres. Hinckley's talk about women needing an education. This was the first time I saw disappointment in his face. I had just crushed his dream of having his tough first born bringing people unto the fold. I was crushed that he was crushed.

23YO: It's the night before my wedding. Dad comes into my room coerced by my mother to talk to me and give me marital advice and to explain a mystery I had deciphered. He pours out his heart and tells me about all the ups and downs he's had with mom. I don't remember him really giving me words of counsel, I only remember him venting everything that had ever happened  in his life with my mother. But, I get the picture. Marriage is hard, really hard, and you have to work at it. If you keep the commandments,  stick to the scriptures and  pray and ask God for help, you can succeed at anything. He and mom did.

25YO: I've been divorced for about 5 months. I'm going through a hard time spiritually, I'm blaming God. I'm currently in Brazil and my work visa renewal is denied.  I'm lost as to what to do about my life. It looks like I'm never coming back to even get my belongings. Dad and  I had to stop at a tiny shack to fix a spare tire. As we wait, Dad and I start throwing rocks at the big tree with ripe juicy "jambos" waiting  for a passer-by. We sit on the cobble stone-bordered sidewalk to eat the warm jambos. I say: "Is there anything better than eating a fresh jambo sitting at the edge of the sidewalk, when it's a sunny 90 degrees outside?" Dad takes a while to answer and says: "Baby, I'm so glad that with all the success and trials you've had, you still stop and enjoy these tiny simple blessings in life. This is a day I'll never forget."

28YO: I find out I'm having a boy. I'm talking to Dad on the computer, and venting to him that Mike doesn't want an exotic name, and really likes normal, traditional names like Bible names. "I can't stand Bible names", I tell Dad. Dad asks why, and says "How about: Baal-zebub, Shadrach, Meschack, Abednego, Coriantumr, Kishkumen, Isaac, Morianton..." I say: "Isaac? That actually sounds like a good name. What does Isaac mean.."

28YO: I'm almost due with  Isaac. Dad comes to my townhome community to take pictures of the homes I'm selling. I can tell he's proud of my accomplishments. He cleans my dusty garage for me at my newly built house in the middle of Orem, UT. He's taking pictures of everything especially the unfinished basement and all the building systems exposed between joists and 2x4's. We are finally getting Isaac's room ready. Dad starts to cry in Isaac's room and says "Grandpa is here with us".  I start to cry too. My grandpa passed away when I was 14, I didn't go to his funeral because I thought my social life was more important than seeing Grandpa for the last time. I still haven't forgiven myself, and dad says " Baby, Grandpa loves you so much, it's ok you can forgive yourself."

30 YO: We're in Florida. I'm asking Dad a spiritual question to a situation that was happening to a friend. His response completely takes me by surprise. It is more open and accepting than I ever expected coming from a bishop. I once again am grateful for having such a spiritual giant as my dad.

32YO: It's a new year. I'm overwhelmed with decisions that will forever impact our family. The responsibility  I've decided to take on seems impossible, but I know the direction to go even though I feel like the obstacles are immense. Dad is here visiting, and I ask him for a blessing. He blesses me with the power, energy and health to make things happen. He admonishes me that if I keep our house full of love, that nothing will tear us down because our home will always be a refuge from the world. My conviction grows stronger because not only I believe Dad is telling me what God has told him, (the part about having love in my home is in my patriarchal blessing and he doesn't know that) but also because Dad believes I can do it and fully supports my decision.

These are some of the most memorable times I've had with my dad. I'm grateful that our family is sealed for time AND all eternity because I just couldn't picture eternity without him. I love you Paizão, Feliz Dias dos Pais. :)

Intending...

Just a quick thought  related to one of my latest posts. The more interlaced my life and reading material becomes, the more clear things get. Gotta love it!

"The genius in you isn't seeking confirmation from others, but quiet space for its ideas to blossom. An uncomplicated life with fewer intrusions tolerated, in a simple setting, allows your creative genius to surface and express itself. The simplicity establishes a link to the power of intention and your genius will flourish." --Wayne Dyer in The Power of Intention

Living Unencumbered.

I had an amazing experience yesterday. I've been reading Aspire and there are quite a few books mentioned in it. So I decided read some of these books. Yesterday I was reading The Greatest Salesman In The World by Og Mandino. It's pretty short just a couple hours, and when I got to the first scroll of advice I had decided that I was going to write down all the scrolls just like the book advises I would repeat the first scroll until I could really understand its message.

"I will commence my journey unencumbered with either the weight of unnecessary knowledge or the handicap of meaningless experience."

As I read this sentence it hit me like a ton of bricks. In order for me to commence in the path of my Personal Legend I realized I need to be unencumbered. Quickly the thought of came to me that I have already lived a life unencumbered,  except for one thing: I really need to live the meaning of Namasté. And, in order to do so I need to love everyone and see their divine. That was my encumbrance. When I believe myself to be right about something and someone wrongs me without perceived cause, I have been very prone to putting up a wall as big and invincible as the Wall of China between that person and me. That wall can only be removed if they person admits their wrong and acknowledges my right. I remember doing that for the first time with my best friend when I was 11 years old, and I have done it ever since and have felt no regrets. Yesterday I realized that I needed to remove this encumbrance otherwise I could not move as fast and productively as I wish. My first instinct  was to fight and stand my ground, feeling completely justified that I am right and therefore my decisions are just.

But as it always happens, one doesn't truly learn lessons until one is ready to accept them, milk before meat. I was about to spend the rest of my life encumbered, and unaware that I wasn't maximizing all profits in my journey. When the thought first came I ignored it, later while finishing up Aspire yesterday afternoon, the thought came back to me at a moment of emotional vulnerability as I let myself be taught by the last principle of Kevin's book. A light turned on, and I realized that feeling right is relative. If one is taken by self deception, a concept that is very hard to accept but essential to personal development, one will always feel justified. I realized that I had been justifying not fully forgiving because I felt I was in the right. Then another etherial thought hit me: "You feel this way because someone wronged you, and they feel and act they do because they feel wronged by YOU!" Ouch. Talk about a slap in the face. It had been a few weeks since I had one of these. That's when I realized I had some weight on my shoulders I didn't know was there. The weight  was gone instantly as I was made aware that I had some culpability. All of a sudden a moment of empathy happened: I could understand why a person could offend another repeatedly. It's not just a way of defending themselves by attacking back, nor just the mere desire to seek revenge. We all have a desire to be loved and respected, and sometimes we may offend someone who has offended us in hopes that the first offender realizes and acknowledges their error. After all,  the first mistake was the catalyst for all the future offenses.

And if that is what a person wants in the bottom of their hearts and subconscious, who am I to deny that? Who am I to say "No, YOU don't deserve it!" I know the only person that could possibly say that would NEVER say that, so why should I?  That was an amazing experience to me. I can feel the encumberance disappearing, and it doesn't matter if the person doesn't reciprocate the feeling. It needs to start with me, reactions to my actions are not my problem, they concern only those who are reacting. I can only control my own actions, and have a talk with myself to make sure I did all I could to act in the correct way. I feel like I pressed the LIFT UP button. When experts talk about the change starting within you, they are right! I'm grateful for the experiences to learn and remove all encumbrances from my path.

Universe Conspiring...

I first read The Alchemist when I was 12 years old, and completely fell in love with the story. My mother's friend had read it, and in turn let her borrow it, then I snatched it and never let go. I don't have that original, but I have my own copy in English, that I've had for just about that long. I LOVE the story of Santiago finding his Personal Legend and I have constantly thought of it. Even at only 12 years of age, I understood when Paulo Coelho wrote that if you're in search of your Personal Legend, the universe conspires so that you can find it. I have loved and believed in that thought ever since I read that book. I'm so grateful for being in tune  with myself enough, even at that young age, to always turn back to that idea to pull strength from. So with that I will write for the record a bit of what has been happening lately. In the last couple of months, I have met a person who shall stay anonymous for now. That person needed a sign to be where they are, and I was in need of a good, caring person to help me fill a vacancy. As I searched for someone, this person was the first one volunteer. Many others also did, but this person from the get-go was strong in its desire to help. Eventually I met this new friend in person, and spent  3 hours sharing thoughts and experiences together on our first meeting. During this meeting, this new friend shared with me his generosity, knowledge and love for challenges and life. It was an amazing experience to meet someone that I felt was so much like me: enthusiastic, passionate, and driven to achieve whatever they set their mind to do.

In the course of those three hours, we talked a lot about what is going on in the world, and shared some the same thoughts on how to try and make a difference for someone or a group of people. As I was about to leave my new friend gave me a couple of books, one of them by someone they told me I had to meet. I thanked my new friend, and said: "You know, everything happens for a reason! Thanks again for the great conversation and for the motivation to continue to my path to my Personal Legend."

So I started reading Aspire, by Kevin Hall.  Imagine my surprise when in the first few pages of his book, Kevin wrote about his good friend Brazilian Author Paulo Coelho. Kevin quotes Paulo saying "I guess it is true that people always arrive at the right moment at the place where someone awaits them."  I have since then, talked on the phone with Kevin Hall via my new friend. I have also been able to rekindle a relationship with a professor who was my idol in college, and still is. I was able to meet with her after a decade and she is yet another one of these people put in my path to my Personal Legend. I feel  humbled and grateful for these people who are popping out of the wood works to help, inspire and motivate me when the going gets tough and when I need to tap into their knowledge bank.

Over the last few years, I have struggled so hard to find my Personal Legend. It has been a difficult journey, one with many obstacles and distractions. I believe I have finally found it, because doors have opened and distractions have gone away. It's funny, but just last night I watched Kung Fu Panda 2 with my family was reminded once again of the theme of inner peace.  I really don't think you can do anything without first  at least aspiring to achieve inner peace. You think of all the crazy things we and people we know do, say or pretend to do or say in order to fake having inner peace. I've had to build a bomb shelter around myself  in the last few years in order to achieve inner peace. I feel like I have broken through, but I haven't been tested yet, to really know if I could withstand experiences or interactions that could eventually block my path of inner peace. As Master Shifu said in the movie last night: "Dragon Warrior: You can do anything if you have inner peace!" So that's where I find myself. Now I'm trying to take down all bits of the walls that protected me while I got to that point. Now comes the first test, take down the walls a bit to see if my inner peace is truly real. If it is, I will be able to accomplish my Personal Legend. Now only time will tell...

Project #3: Bedrooms

We've started redoing our bedrooms. The last week has been bitter sweet. You see, I had this amazing idea of leaving the kids with my parents in Utah while I was there for my sister's graduation. That meant two weeks of uninterrupted work here at the house. I thought I'd love listening to my books and painting, well I actually do, but I miss the kid terribly.  I have a bit of an idea how empty nester's feel now. I'm so not ready for that phase of my life! I want my kids back!!! I'm trying to focus on choosing the colors for their accent walls and decor. How elated am I to get that gross white carpet out of my house? Elated doesn't express enough of how I'm feeling. Unfortunately it wasn't yet in the cards for me to have a carpet free home, but hopefully the next house will be. At least the padding is somewhat green, we are getting the Nike padding, made from scraps of recycled foam from the Nike factories. So without further ado, here are some inspiration pictures:

Isaac's Bedroom:

I'm a beach person, I was on born practically on the beach and lived there for half of my life. I miss seeing the ocean every day, and I won't rest until I get to see it EVERY DAY again.  So, every home I own will have  a beachy feel until I get to my real beach home. The room that has had the most beach appeal has always been Isaac's room. When I was pregnant with him, I planned out a sailing theme for his room, and that theme still continues on through his collection of sailboats.   I buy one every time I go on vacation to somewhere that has an ocean. I'm also printing and framing a sepia picture of Isaac and Grandpa sailing in Brazil and adding it to the room decor.  His room will have a bluish teal accent wall. So these are a few of my inspirational pictures for his room. Thanks Pottery Barn!

Bella's Room:

Well, I'm a no frills kind of gal, and so is my daughter. So it's been hard finding a theme or bedding  that isn't Shabby Chick or Princessy, or too grown up for her(she's only 2). And the main problem is that I'm completely biased towards duvet covers. It's just easier when it comes to putting it in the dryer when it gets dirty. In hopes to get myself going in a good direction, I asked her if she wanted pink or blue in her room, she said blue. I wanted hot pink, so now I'm still at a loss.  I also wanted her room to have a beachy feel, but unfortunately the only duvet cover that was cool enough for that costs $250!!! What a rip off, if I get completely stuck and can't even pull off a different theme, I may splurge and rip myself off..... At this point, the duvet I got for her is busy enough that I don't know if I can add too much more to the room and achieve my vision of a modern, uncluttered  and active little girl's room. I saw these cute circle decals, and found a stenciling pattern that is almost like this one. I guess her room will be a trial and error deal and will probably take me 3 months to finish.........Here are some of my inspirations, thanks to Lulu Chua, PB teen and West Elm.

Our Room:

Well this one is the tough one, how do you make an original Kiva fireplace not be an eye sore in a modern room? I don't have the answer yet. But my brain is constantly spewing out smoke, so I'll get to a solution eventually. So a couple of things we've been wanting to do with our bedroom is to make it a bit more private. Right now we have a wall of glass between it and the sun/toy room. So the etched glass door is already installed and etched picture windows will be installed in a few weeks. That will give us visual privacy but still let in all the light from the sun room. I've also wanted to put a chair or two by the fireplace for some cozy winter night reading, but I'm worried that I won't find two chairs cozy enough and small enough for that. We'll see.... I've also been considering a bench by the foot of the bed. I think it'll be too much  for our room. As long as I find the right chairs, I'll do fine without the bench. My other issue is that our bed was bought to be in our Utah house, it matched the house and the colors perfectly. Now we've got this awesome bed, but it's never perfect with the few bedding I've bought for it in the last 3 years. I'm hoping that an accent wall will tie the leather color on the headboard in with the rest of the spa theme I'm planning for the bedroom. Here are a few inspirations for our bedroom. Thanks to HGTV, Ashley Rohe blog, and the brilliant Mies Van Der Rohe for designing a timeless modern classic, the Barcelona Chair.

Almost Zero Waste

As usual everything happens for a reason, and depending on your reasons, things will always happen to push you one way or another. I've been, weakly, on a quest to become a greener, more environment friendly person. I did away with plastic containers in 2008, now only having glass containers(most still have plastic lids, BPA free of course), shed away most of the plastic cooking utensils and replaced them with bamboo utensils, and try to recycle more than I throw in the garbage. I've always been into green building, ever since school. I also hate clutter, and am constantly considering ways to reorganize things in my home to provide a more streamlined look. Yes, I'm obsessed with everything being completely uniform, and sterile, it makes my boat float. Having lived in an old house that desperately needs updating for the last 18 months has just about driven me bonkers! So the remodeling continues I'm  already preparing ourselves for some crazy reductions. Now that I have an iPad (my Mother's Day surprise), I'm even considering parting with my books. We've downsized our library so many times already and you can find pretty much all classics in some time of downloadable electronic format nowadays. So anyway, back to my inspiration. This woman is amazing to me just for her zeal regarding her carbon footprint. I'm so glad a friend posted this on Facebook, and now I'm ready to start reducing, reusing and recycling even more! I don't know if I could get to that point, but some of the things she's doing are so easy pretty convenient so there's no reason not to try!

Zero Waste Home

So I want to thank Bea for being avant-garde, you have and are inspiring many households to do the same and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I was so excited about the produce bags I had to google them and found them on Amazon. Target also carries some.  For a few years, I've been putting my fruits and veggies  loose in the cart because I didn't want to use a plastic bag. This totally solves my problem! Click on the pic and it'll take  you to Amazon.

Casting Lots.

I've often wondered, as have many others before me, why certain things happen to us, or others. This morning the concept of one's lot seems to have lingered in my head for contemplation. There have been people who have written about how in the premortal existence we were preordained, foreordained, and/or chosen to accomplish certain things in this probationary life. I don't believe this only applies to people who are meant to be leaders among us. I love to speculate, and part of my comtemplating the mysteries of God is speculating whether something is this way or another. As events occur in my life or with someone dear to me, I wonder the "why" of the cause and effect.

While I was in Brazil last month, it dawned on me that for most things happening to others, there's simply nothing I can do about them. And being a control freak, this despairs my heart like nothing else. But then the same thought kept coming: There's nothing you can or should do about it. Let's be clear, in terms of an action to remediate the situation there's nothing I can or should do about it. I can only pray, for those who need the divine help, and pray that my heart can let go of the despair. So today I hit this concept once again, why do things happen to certain people and sometimes don't seem to stop happening?

In a worldly sense, some say that the thing will happen to us until we figure it out. That if we're stupid enough to never deal with it or learn from it, it'll just keep coming back. I wonder if in a spiritual sense, the same applies. As I tried to search the scriptures a bit more about the concept of lots I could only come with this: In Proverbs it says something about lots being cast and the disposing of them being of the Lord. Does this mean that He actually ends up choosing, or that he only approves the cast? I believe that we have a few things to do in this probationary period that we promised we would do. I wonder if we cast our own lots to accomplish certain things. I wonder some times if some spirits were stronger than others, and how all that played with the lots "being approved by the Lord".  If he knew we could all accomplish only certain things, so he had to revise a few of those castings.  We've all heard about the stronger and more valiant were meant to come in the last days, maybe that has something to do with lots.

Yet it still leaves my main question somewhat unanswered: Why do things happen to some people? I feel at times, that despite my own trials,  I lead a wonderful life and I'm extremely blessed. In fact sometimes, we in our family, we joke about having a star on our forehead. I've had many trials, most of which, have refined me and made me the person that I am today. The more I have them, the more I learn, so I have acquired kind of an addiction to suffering (albeit very small suffering) because I know I can only get better and better with age. The fact that I do have a blessed life, at times scares me for the future. There are certain trials I simply don't think I can recover from, and I constantly pray that they never happen. But what if they will because they are meant to happen? What are the trials in our lives that we think we can't survive from? Maybe it is good to consider them and contemplate on how we can deal with them....

Metamorphosis

I belong to a string of women who are fighters. Not sport fighters but still fighters. They have fought within themselves, with other people, to gain an education, to win a living, to be happy, to be free, to win their lovers, and for their children and their future. They continue to fight for their grandchildren, great -grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. That's as far as I can go back at this point. I dedicate this blog to them, the women in my life who have in their own ways shaped me, and inspired me to be the person I'm in turn, fighting to become.

My struggle was born with me. I cannot remember a day when I didn't have some anger management problem to deal with. That's what I like to call it at least, it makes me feel stronger for some reason. Having always heard some talk about my grandfather having indigenous blood, combined with my love and admiration for nature, I no doubt have believed I had the courage and strength of the natives of the Americas. I grew up feeling invincible. For the most part, I wasn't given a limit as to how I should see myself and how I should allow the world to shape my own view of who I am. I grew up with as much confidence and fierceness as a lion hunting for an easy prey. However, as the events in my life would unfold into what would become my destiny and mission, I started to hear about a chink in my armor.

I'm not sure at what point we start believing what other people tell us about ourselves.  Until then, no one told me anything, at least, that I can recall. Then started the comments. Vulnerability appeared, but something visceral kept pushing forward. The naysayers, which are usually the closest people to you, affected my self vision and in turn my rate of progress. But in the end, or shall I say: at this point which is really the beginning, my rate of progress has caught back up to the original one.

Rewind a bit. As a little girl, I watched a movie that stayed with me for some reason or another. You know, some things hit you like a brick wall and leave a mark forever. It made me think, most likely because I've always been interested in the ultimate subject of the movie: Judgement Day. As the sequels came and went, I found myself relating to the main protagonist of the movie: a woman who in the first movie was pregnant with a child, and was constantly in danger of being killed. It doesn't sound good, but I promise it has a lot of relevance. The sequels show her as a trained modern warrior, fighting for her life and the life of her now teenage son, and her son finding out he's the guy who's going to save the day in the last day. So what's my point? This woman gave her life to ensure that her son would stay alive no matter what. She taught him and prepared him to be ready for unforeseen attacks in the present and future, and....how to fight.

met·a·mor·pho·sis

[met-uh-mawr-fuh-sis]

1.Biology . a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from thecaterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly. Compare complete metamorphosis. (dictionary.com)

I've been metamorphosing at a faster speed in the last three years. The main reason is because in the last four years I have become a mother. The second main reason is that three years ago we lost my mother in law to cancer. I've never heard so many people eulogize someone to the extent that it was done to Helen. I knew I had lost an amazing relative, but after the days of her passing an immense outpouring of love, visits, and service towards her family proved how much she was loved and admired. I took her death hard. Maybe because it resembled so much the death of my grandfather to cancer, and my being far away. In the months that proceed her death, a dear friend suggested a book for me to read. That book was not suggested to me at random, I don't believe in randomness unless they have to do with physics, or mathematics.

That's when my metamorphosis started. My son, the death of my mother in law, the book I read, it all triggered the metamorphosis. Although it has been very welcomed, my changes have not been without growing pains, or fights. Fighting is so innate to me. Remember, I've been fighting with something or for something since I was a zygote. At that point in my developmental stage I was probably just fighting for life!  Life. Actually, I've been fighting for life a lot longer than that. I've been fighting for eternity and in favor of eternity. And that's why I'm restarting my blog, so I can keep fighting. You see, it'll started with a plan....