The Spiritual Workout Routine.

I'm up once again earlier than I'd like to be. 24 hours ago I was trying to fall back asleep after Isaac threw up next to my bed, and all the way to my bathroom. It was so gross, and the stank unbearable so I had to get out my carpet cleaner and take care of the situation at 3:30am before it was too late in the morning. Consequently last night I was exhausted....We started watching a movie together as a family and I fell asleep on the couch.  My throat is killing me and between going to sleep to early and the pain, I woke up at 4am and just couldn't sleep anymore.

As I lied in bed, I contemplated why our family has been sick for two plus weeks. I kept wondering where I went wrong, where I stopped being vigilant about washing hands, about always cleaning the store carts before letting the kids sit inside, about making sure we were eating healthy. It's amazing how these little things that seem so basic, and unimportant make the greatest difference in how quickly we can go down with a fever or feel healthy almost always. I even heard on the radio about 3 weeks ago (last time I went to the gym), a report on NPR about a study proving that people who workout at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes are 30-40% less likely to get sick. I found that very interesting and it struck a cord with me.

While I was thinking about all this, another thought came to me, (and this is why I love our brain and memories by the way). Quickly I recalled a bishop I once had, I was back in his office in the HFAC at BYU, and he asked me how I was doing with my scripture study. I remember telling him that at that moment it wasn't perfect, that I would read once in a while but not daily.  And he said, "Renatha, I know that you are an active girl, and that you like to work out a lot."  I replied that it was true and that at that time I was doing the Body For Life Program, I was at the gym 6 days a week, eating super healthy and had never felt better physically.

He looked at me and said "Renatha, you need to start looking at reading the scriptures daily and praying as a workout. What happens if you stop working out?" I said: "I don't grow muscle, my current muscles will probably atrophy and turn into fat, I won't be as fit as I am now."  He wisely asked:"What do you think happens to your testimony of the gospel when you don't work out spiritually?" I thought, "hmmm, he's teaching me a lesson here...."My spirit and testimony will atrophy and I won't have spiritual muscle".  My bishop smiled, I think he could tell a light bulb turned on in my head.

Not to say that I've been perfect on following his counsel, but I have never forgotten that lesson. During times when I'm more proactive in reading my scriptures, I also happen to write down a LOT of whisperings that come to me, I listen to beautiful and inspiring music, and I literally feel that infamous Armor around me. I see a noticeable difference in my levels of patience with my children and my husband, I let things roll off my back much easier, and I feel strengthened. On the other hand, when I'm concentrating too much on myself and my desires, my precious time alone with my thoughts or photography or whatever, and lack to read my scriptures and spend more time conversing with the Lord, I feel weak. I feel like my spiritual immune system is ready for a virus attack or worse yet, a bacterial infection that will only go away with some strong dose of spiritual antibiotic. Boy...those are so hard to administer to myself.  It would be so much easier to go to my spiritual doctor, but fortunately for me I know that I was given the role of being my own nurse practitioner. I have become my own Primary Care Physician, and the Lord my Specialist. I have to do the job of referring myself to Him, so he can take care of the worst illnesses.

The need for a spiritual workout routine is immense, and currently I'm failing at it. I need to go back to my routine because "it", is the only thing that helps me stay sane, that helps my spiritual muscle grow, and consequently that helps me keep my spiritual reflexes at their sharpest. When sickness comes, those reflexes often push the sickness away, and sometimes even before I even notice it was a threat. We all need a spiritual workout routine. The same way that working out our body causes it to produce endorphins that aids us in our health and good mood, so does a spiritual workout produce the same type of stimulation. As I  sit here writing this, I'm recommitting to my spiritual workout and to my physical workout. I know I'll be getting better soon, both physically and spiritually, and I hope my little family can get better too.

31+1=32

Mike woke up me this morning and asked how old I was today, and I said, "I'm 32 honey, I'm growing up!" Then he said: "one day you will be mature, and old."  So apparently to my 40 year old lover, I'm not mature yet...

I think I was born 32.  I don't remember when I could actually count to 32, but I remember thinking that my mom was so old at 32. I was 11 back then...and thought I was so mature and responsible. Oh the funny things we think of ourselves....the best part is that they never go away, do they? We continue to think funny things of ourselves until when maturity hits at whatever age it finally arrives, IF it ever arrives at all. But really...going back to the 32 thing, I have always felt 32.

Throughout my life I remember dreaming about all the professions I wanted to be. Forever I wanted to be an architect, then a marine biologist, then a flight attendant (so I could travel for free), then a business woman, then I settled for interior designer. It was the best profession I ever had! I remember in high school and my first years in college, envisioning myself as the type of girl who shows up at gallery openings, and can talk to people about culture, and art, and architectural movements. I specifically remember I'd be wearing a turtleneck and maybe a pencil skirt or classic trousers. oh....those were such great days!  I remember feeling like I was  becoming that person as I worked at the Museum of Art at BYU as an event coordinator, and while I took all my humanities and design classes. I remember one early morning running up the steps of rape hill on the south side of campus, the sun was just peeking behind the Y mountain and starting to melt the frost on the trees by the Brimhall building, and I literally felt growth. It was mental and emotional growth, and I felt so strong and independent. It was my senior year in college and I was almost done.

I remember going through my growing pains, of being a 11 year old girl that was taller than everyone else, I remember when my womanhood arrived, 2 weeks before I was 12 and I thought to myself:  "Finally!! I'm officially a woman!" Such weird and funny memories. I also remember when one day it hit me that I had become the woman I had always envisioned myself being. It was so weird and good at the same time because I've always felt like everyone around me was telling me I wasn't good enough to be anything that I always dreamed of being. And here I was, I had a great life and had become Me.

Turning 30 wasn't as bad as most women make it out to be, probably because I've always been 32 at heart. The last 2 years of my life, no doubt, have been the best two years of my life. I've grown the most and I've even surpassed that woman I wanted to be. It's a humbling experience to see more growth, after the end goal. I know for sure that the growth has only come through all the trials, and tribulations and dissapointment I've had to deal with, and with a lot of help from Heaven Above!! I've learned more and more, and I've learned that you gotta own your good, and own your bad, and stand a little taller.

I look back and see the hip-gallery-going-chick, but I see much more than that. I see a fighter, who is slowly and finally learning to channel her tongue, fighting skills and energy towards the greater good. Towards motherhood, towards being a warrior mother. In last years I've learned that we need to always push past the finish line. That's the way we grow, and that's the way we start to make and leave a legacy for our posterity and for those in our sphere of influence. I think this is what 30's are meant to be, we're meant to stop struggling with our little demon on our shoulder making us fight with the angel on the other shoulder. We're meant to start looking outside and pushing the inside out, playing outside the box so to speak. We're meant to be women who fight not within ourselves, but we fight for others, for good, for freedom and life, and all the good that is being suppressed in the world.

I'm happy with myself because I finally feel comfortable with myself, my intellect, my heart, mind and even my body. I have accepted that this is my reality, and gladly take it with a lot of gratitude to God and to my loving husband for helping me accomplish these things and become Me.

We are officially a family!

I know that sounds a bit weird, right? Well, Mike and I decided that we have officially become a family because this was the first Thanksgiving where we didn't go somewhere. Instead we hosted family and friends and I got to make pretty much everything. So I'm an official "Mom that makes Holiday dinners"!!

As usual I bite off more than I can chew, and can I just say that I really appreciate this weird attribute of mine? It's kind of like reaching for the stars and in case of failure you didn't do too bad....We invited three different families over and at some point no one was coming, and then at the last minute the Hendricks who just had a baby, ended up not traveling and Mike's two sisters decided to come visit us.

So with oodles of pictures to take for our holiday card, and another baby and family shoot, and having the kids since there was no school on Wednesday, I left the kids with a friend and ran to the store to buy all the ingredients to make the dinner. Yes, nothing was made somewhere else, it was all done here,  from scratch, in my 40-year-old-falling-apart-kitchen where my oven door doesn't even stay closed shut!  Actually, the Hendricks made a delectable sweet potato casserole at 'their' home. 

So we ended up with a very "nummy"(as Bella says it) dinner, thanks to the Food Network Recipes I found online. Our menu consisted of the following:

Green Bean Casserole 

(side note: I've never liked onions, but after deep frying my own for the casserole, 
I'm now in love with onion rings)

Wild Rice and Goat Cheese Dressing

(with chorizo in it too)

Sweet Potato Casserole

(made by Ginna, which reminds me I NEED the recipe)

Buttery Parmesan Mashed Potatoes

(with a sprinkle of rosemary, I seriously just made it up as I went)

Best Ever Gravy

(compliments of the Food Network)

Rhodes Dinner Rolls

(Ok, I lied. I forgot I bought the rolls frozen, oops!)

Herb Roasted Turkey

(It could've turned out better if my oven weren't so small, I was really worried the turkey wasn't going to fit, 
let alone cook well. So it was average...)

And with all that food, we enjoyed ourselves to the brim. About a month ago, I started thinking about all the events of this year, and first of all I was really surprised that I would be even thinking ahead about this year's recaps. I must be getting old. But...thinking about all the good things that happened and all the bad things that happened, I have come to feel extremely grateful for all the trials that I've gone through this year. I think I've definitely have learned to enjoy my trials. I know it sounds ridiculous, but this year I have come to understand a few things more clearly and with a different perspective. In turn that has made me look at my trials in a completely a different way.

One thing that I have been very grateful for this year, is deep friendships. I've been thinking about it almost daily in the last few months as I have been confiding with friends about my stupid issues, they have enlightened me to different thoughts, new visions, and the hardest and yet best part of these conversations, is the realization of how I need to change and become a better person. One of these friends once said that we're all put in each other's lives for specific reasons, and it's up to us to figure out how we can help each other and how we can learn from each other.  I certainly have learned from these girls. I know we were brought to Santa Fe for many reasons. 

If anything, I know that the friendships Mike and I have made here, are extremely important to us, and have helped us grow and become better people. It's too bad some of you will most likely never see this post. But it's ok, because we have enough time to tell each other how we feel face to face, eye to eye, and that's all that really matters.  I hope everyone has had a great Thanksgiving weekend so far...

Project #2: almost there...

So windows are in, stucco is done, side door has been replaced, the lights on the porch and by the garage have also been replaced, and now we are waiting for the front door which takes 6 weeks to make. I was hoping to be able to get it in, trimmed and painted as well as the side door and the garage doors, but.....it's getting cold and I don't think we'll make it. I'm really channelling all positive thoughts so that in two weeks when the front door gets here it'll be warm enough to still paint it.

However, we have a hang up. I was hoping to paint the front door red, and had the idea of painting the garage doors red too. Not blood red, but something more subdued that would match and/or complement the brick coping. But now Mike is thinking it's too much red, and I find it interesting because our house in Utah was left pretty much up to him in terms of the exterior design and he had two stucco colors and a multi color stone wainscot. I think he's afraid of red.

If I had my way, I would have one of two options: 1. Glass garage doors, they are beautiful, just my style and they don't call crazy attention to themselves. Or, option 2 would be flat garage doors or wood slat doors stained in a rusty brown color to match the color of the future iron gate on the side of the house and iron on top of the pony wall in front of the house. Then I would paint the door to match.

"Before" picture of the family room

As far as the next project we are not sure what it'll be. First we need to stop and take a breather, we're low on reserves. So we'll be doing small minor little things here and there like taking down the hideous wood panelling in the family room, and the room looks 30% bigger and much brighter of course. We've also covered a door that went from the dining room into the family room. We're not sure why it was there because just on the other side of the wall which one could get too by taking 5 steps. These are the joys of buying and remodeling an old house, and events that I have overall quite enjoyed figuring out about. Like knowing that the old owners were alcoholics who drank themselves into poverty(paraphrased from the neighbors who were their friends)

 "After" the panelling came down. Now a blank slate waiting for me to decide on paint colors.

Most likely project #3 will end up being the bedroom wing. We've been stalling on this one because we're still not sure and keep ignoring designing our bathroom. But I think both Mike and I are ready to get the other bedrooms in the house spruced up even if ours doesn't get any updating for a while. I just don't understand why people would put white carpet in a house, especially with pets and alcohol being served right and left. I just can't take my filthy white carpet any longer!

Well, in a month or so we'll have more pictures.

House Project #2

Well well, we are way behind on what our plans were for the house remodel. I'd like to know if there's one person, builder, architect, subcontractor,  engineer etc who actually gets construction done before their scheduled goal. Don't tell me if you know or are one of them, it'll only make me feel horrible since in the last decade working in these fields I haven't. :S

Anyway, so continuing with the story...... I think we had planned to have the interior of the house all done by the end of the year. Well, we're not even close.  First the bathrooms cost double what we thought and due to my lack of planning for products to be here before we started, it took a few weeks longer. And my easily distracted brain has concentrated way too much on having fun on the beach this year. Not to worry though, I have repented of my beach conspiracies and will be more disciplined next year.

So project #2 has started and will be almost all done by the time I get home. We have replaced our single paned, aluminum windows and torn screens with new energy star windows, replaced the front and side doors and are also re-stuccoing the entire house. Well, the front door is still being made, but hopefully it should be here in a couple of weeks, so then it'll all be done.

For now here are some pictures of the "Before" process: taking the old windows down, installing the new ones and re-lathing the house for the new brown coat and color. Brown coating should be done by tomorrow and then when we get home it'll almost be time for coloring, exciting!

 Notice the painted stucco.  They painted over it and where there were trees and bushes all around these windows they simply left it unpainted. Nice.......

Don't you love those 80's doors?  yuck. 

These are the windows to our family room.  There used to be HUGE thorny bushes around them full of spiders and gross insects. Rob is also redoing the walls inside the family room because they are ugly 70's wood paneling....

The bedroom wing of the house and Rob Berg our wonderful general contractor. If you are in Santa Fe and you need some minor or major remodeling...get in line! Rob has to finish our house first. hahahahahahah

It took Rob twice as long to get all the windows out, the original stucco was 2"thick. Crazy! I gotta find a picture of the house with all the ugly bushes around the windows so you can see the true before and after...

Days go by..

So I know I'm not alone when it comes to feeling like you have so much to do that you don't even know where to start. Here's my list of a couple of days ago, in the middle of my sinus infection that got me in bed for a couple of days.

This doesn't even include showering Bella twice(she got muddy), making dinner from scratch, ordering front entry doors, and putting the kids to sleep.

It's days like the one above, which feels like it's every other day that gets me down and anxious, because I feel I didn't accomplish enough.  Most of the time I don't make lists, which I think contributes to my sense of no accomplishment.  It sucks...

Yesterday was another one of these days, consequently since I couldn't sleep because Mike had gone to a movie with a buddy, I was up until midnight ironing clothes.

I'm glad to see these lists even though I didn't get everything done, I still did a lot of things and it helps me account for something at the end of the day.

Oh and on another topic, I just finished reading The Millionaire Next Door, and it made me realize I have so many habits to change. What I liked the most about the book, is that it's presented in a style that is like reading a study's conclusions. These two professors conducted a lot of research and were very surprised in their findings, and so was I!!  We all think that the people who have a lot of toys, cars and big houses are the ones with a lot of money, but that's not quite  true.   I'd suggest that if you need a book to read, read this one. It's amazing how you think you are doing well, living below your means (or at least I thought), then you read this book and see how most millionaires actually live. It's truly eye opening.

6 Years!

Wow, 6 years right now is seeming like an eternity. If I think about my last 10 years a lot has happened: I have graduated from college, had two fun filled, stress packed careers, have been married and divorced, married again, and have created life twice! That's a lot to accomplish in 10 years. What about you?  I bet most of us could say we've accomplished quite a bit too, don't you agree?

6 years ago today, I went to Vegas. Vegas baby, Vegas! I played Russian Roulette and SCORED BIG. I got me a tall, semi-dark and handsome drink of water to be Mr. Renatha Gueiros. Yep, and it was kind of easy too. I mean he was easy, oops did I just say that? (insert "lots of laughter" HERE).

Life has been so fun, so hard, so frustrating, so exhilarating, so exasperating, so everything and anything from one extreme of the pendulum to the other. Mike and I have grown up, grown out(literally, and he has shrunk back in again, lucky him), grown together into this perfect couple that somehow are not totally perfect but manage to still FEEL that way, if that makes sense. So here we are, 6 years later: We have lived in 6 different houses (2 of which we built for ourselves), we have had 8 different cars(remember my piece of junk Montero, and my cute little Beetle?), we have two children, no dogs or cats(hopefully not for long), and have visited 8 countries together(not counting territories such as  Gibraltar, USVI, and BVI).

In six years, we have had a lot of sorrow, and a lot of joy. We have lived a full life, and if I were to die today, I have no regrets.  I married up, although Mike's dad likes to joke with me that Mike got lucky. And to that I say: He is the one who has loved me, and has accepted me and has encouraged me, has played coed volleyball with me(everyone knows it's hard to not yell at your spouse while playing doubles), has attempted to teach me golf, had patiently played tennis with me,  has massaged my scalp when I can't sleep,  has brought me numerous cups of hot chocolate or tea, and has cleaned the dishes and thanked me for dinner every time I cook dinner. He still chooses to be with me after 6 ultra long years. I definitely scored, see? And that's why I tell him he is my favorite husband, well obviously... I LOVE YOU, HONEY!

Isaac is now 4.

Ok, so almost a whole month later here I sit blogging about Isey Vee. I've been feeling so bad that I didn't do this sooner, but at least I'm doing it NOW.

Isaac...Oh this kid gets sweeter by the day. He's the driest sponge harvested ever, wanting to suck the knowledge out of everything as if it were the last drops of ocean out there. The kid says stuff, and Mike and I look at each other and wonder where he learned that. He doesn't watch TV so it's not from that, maybe from Wall-e and Curious George??

Isaac's language skills are flourishing at a lightning speed in English which is now more dominant than Portuguese. It's so not fair. Sometimes I have to not talk to him, saying that I will only talk if he speaks to me in Portuguese. He does, and I'm glad he still does speak it and that he's not fighting it. It's just that his English feels more comfortable now.

He is turning into one considerate, loving, obedient(for the most part) child. He's been enjoying Mike's recent time off(more days off at home with us). He loves taking all the recycling to the dump with Dad, which has made him very interested in being green. There's a PBS Kids game called Eeko World that he loves, and he loves talking about solar lights, and water preservation and the like. One time we were at Target getting some things for his new bathroom, and he says "If you don't want your parents anymore, you put them in the recycling bin." I laughed so hard when he said that (can't you just picture my loud and boisterous laugh), I swear everyone at Target heard me. Now he says it off and on to get a kick out of seeing me laugh.

For example a couple months ago we went out to our favorite pizzeria in Santa Fe, and behinds us were these plants. All of a sudden we hear a crash and crack and tumble. Isaac had pulled a plant so hard it fell off the metal stand onto a huge terra cotta pot and then to the floor. Everything was broken and I lost it. I asked him what in the world was he thinking? He said: "I was trying to compost, mom". I know...

I seriously could've never imagined I could love a kid so much, and seeing him grow and become such a nice little person, it's just to die for. I'm so proud of him. So I kept asking what he wanted for his birthday: a party and little presents or no party and big presents. Of course he fell for the big presents, but at the last minute he wanted a party. Oh I felt so bad, it was too late to really have one, so I got a cake and had his favorite friends come over. At the end of the night when everyone had left Isaac wanted to open the last of his presents. So we went into the garage where I had assembled one of those power wheels Jeep, and had a couple presents. He loved his little Jeep!

Too much going on.

I swear this whole year, I've felt like there are so many thing going, so much to do, that I feel like a deer in the headlights. I'm not complaining I would much rather be super busy always, than have too much time in my hands without doing anything productive.

So for the sake of not leaving anything out of the book of life, I must blog...quickly and effectively.

We've been trying to figure out what to do next with the house. The two bathrooms were very expensive (in our opinion),  and after calculating the proportion of the next projects we are a little worried about how to go about the next phase. It'll take a little longer since we need to save up the funds. Meanwhile we did something super important in my opinion: chop down the crazy bushes around this place.

I should have taken pictures of the crazy stuff that was growing around our house. Well, maybe what I'll do is take some pictures tomorrow to update this post. We've got a bit over half an acre of nasty, dangerous crazy plants. All of us except Mike have stepped on a thorn, or cut a finger on a cactus etc. So we had a few guys out here for a week or so taking everything out by the roots.  The result is that you can see that there's a house in our lot now!  Next up, we think we're replacing the windows and doors, and re-stucco-ing(how about that for hyphenation?) the house. Our bathrooms will be in conjunction if not sooner. I don't know.....see what I'm sayin'?

Photography, Career and such.
So we all know I'm not going back to slave real estate, although I loved it before I had kids, now it's just not going to work. It's amazing what happens when you let go of this surreal dream you "think" you have. I've been able to let go of a lot more than just the idea of going back to being the tough chick. So my life is simpler, richer and more grateful. Nothing can beat that at this time. So then I decide it's time for a workshop and I spent a week with Kwaku Alston, who is such a teddy bear. He's so cute and so nice, and so amazingly talented! Now, I'm kind of in this photographer's block, or I hit the photographer's marathon wall, or maybe it's just that I'm going into a cocoon. That's it!! I'm in the process of figuring out my metamorphosis. The workshop made me open my eyes to so much more that I could be doing, sharing, experiencing and learning in photography. My style is changing, I'm working on a new website(well not really YET, but it's in queue), researching new equipment and the list goes on. I love photography, and I'm grateful for Mikey V for letting me have this expensive hobby/profession. Luckily the future looks promising in photography.

In addition to photography, Mike has been wanting me to help him figure out a way to make more $$$. So since I ask for more all the time, he came up with an idea: "you be in charge of all the advertising, PR, ideas for being more productive and getting  more exams in each day, that way you can have more money".  At first I wasn't so sure about this, although if you asked me about it of course I was gonna say I'm up for making more money, who isn't?! A couple of months back he added me as an officer, (I wrote him a check to buy shares in the corporation, LOL!) and I'm now the V.P. So this week I officially started at Santa Fe Vision Clinic. We decided to do a small remodel, and we are just finishing up the last touches. Now we have a much better reception area and the place looks more professional. New signage done by Moi, has helped people to start figuring out that the Doc does NOT work for Walmart, he simply leases the space. I think it'll help people realize they can't come and complain there's no one to help them choose glasses up front in the Walmart Optical. We still have to keep telling them, but it's ok,  they are finally getting it.

I've been setting up the new patient management software and the new computers. On Friday I was so frustrated after a week of fighting with the modem and the Time Capsule, and IP address etc, I went into the store and bought a package of Walmart brand Oreo wannabe's and ate half of it one 30 min.  Melody the manager of the Optical came to tell me that those were NOT Oreos, they don't taste the same. I told her that indeed I am not an Oreo expert since I couldn't tell you when was the last time I ate one. I think it had been 3 or 4 years. Consequently I felt a bit sick that night........

Oh and before I forget, I still have to take my broker's exam for real estate. Yes I'm getting my license here, I need to do it soon before I lose my qualifications for being a qualifying broker. I don't want to have to go work for a brokerage. I really like being independent especially when I'm doing it for myself. I know call me crazy how many properties am I going to be playing with in a year, maybe MAYBE one? but I still want to have access to their juicy details in the MLS so I need my license.

Besides that what else is happening?? Well quite a bit in my own head actually. I don't feel comfortable writing about it in my public blog. Most people would think I'm crazy which is true, but really crazy enough to be taking meds and wear a straight jacket, so I'll keep it to myself and those who are ready to listen to the conclusions of my monologues. Milk before meat right?


Alright, I gotta figure out where we're staying in the US Virgin Islands TONIGHT! So ta ta for now..

My Royal Village

There are a lot of people who unfortunately don't  like Santa Fe. Some hate the architecture(like my sister, it's ok I didn't like it either until I moved here), some hate the fact that it's small and doesn't have as many options as a bigger city, and others just don't like the arid southwestern climate.

Sunrise in Santa Fe

I LOVE SANTA FE! Truthfully, the only place I would trade it for at this stage in my life would be Florida. A few months after we moved here, Mike and I and the kids went on a walking tour of Santa Fe and learned so much about its history, and all the fights for the Palace of the Governors, the romantic history of art and love affair that artists have with the area, it all solidified how Mike and I feel about this city.

Sunset in Santa Fe

The full name of Santa Fe is actually The Royal Village of the Holy Faith of St. Francis of Assisi. But of course it is in Spanish.... Therefore I like to joke about living in the Royal Village. Wouldn't be it so cool if there were royalty here still? Anyway, I just love this place, and I love the fact that it's a resort town. It makes me feel like I live on an eternal vacation, especially during the summer when the crowds descend upon us.

Summer storms in Santa Fe

This year we are celebrating Santa Fe's 400th birthday. Check out the website for more information:
http://santafe400th.com/index.html


ps: these are all SOOC files exactly as the camera captured everything. Nothing has been edited.

Two little monkeys

The best part about being at home is watching your kids grow up. I'm looking forward to doing grown up things with my kids, and I'm dang curious to see what they'll end up like. I feel such an immense responsibility to teach them to be open minded/hearted, decent, honest, strong willed, moral citizens.

Over the last couple of years I have grown so much, I literally feel taller. This is to counterbalance the fact that I'm actually shrinking in height. LOL!

But in any case, we have been making a lot of changes in every aspect of our lives, and consequently we see clearly all the blessings from heaven. My two little  monkeys make me so proud. Here's a little update on both of them:

Isaac
If we lived by the ocean Isaac for sure would be a surfer. Besides the fact  that I dress him up like one already(which isn't necessarily something to be proud of, it's just comfy and casual, and above to a mother, functional), he loves the ocean, the sand, and waves. Isaac a couple of days ago said: "Dad, it's time to go to  Florida again".  I totally agree with him. We have to figure out a way to live there in the winter and in Santa Fe in the summer. Hopefully in the next couple of years that will become reality. Isaac keeps growing, and most of the time I have a hard time NOT thinking that he's at least 5 years old. He's taller than most 5 year olds, but sweet as 2 year old still. He's a super brother, most of the time he loves taking care of Isabella. I'm hoping that he keeps taking after daddy, he loves to study books about space, science, travel, whatever. Mike got me a book called Anatomica a year or two ago, and Isaac loves looking at it. The other day I caught him teaching Bella about how the babies grow then they come out. I'm surprised she didn't tear the book to pieces. But I was so proud of him.

Going along with the book, yesterday we were outside right before dinner checking out the mess that is our backyard currently. We have some guys cutting down a bunch of overgrown trees and bushes all around our house and backyard. Isaac got really excited and asked me to come take a look at something quickly. I got over to a piece of the trunk/roots of a tree they took out by our bedroom window, and Isaac says: "Mom this is the tree's heart!"  To my surprise it really did look like a  heart, with all the ventricles and veins etc. I guess he's learning something. Take a look:

 Yesterday I also put him in time out because he's going through this phase of relieving himself inside trash cans, and yesterday he climbed on the kitchen counter and went into the kitchen sink.  So he was in time out. He went into my room for some reason and while I was relieving myself I heard him praying. He said something like this(in portuguese): "Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, thank you for everything, please help me get out of time out quickly, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen"

How cute is that?!!! So immediately I knew I had to teach him a lesson: The lesson was that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. So I got him out of time out pretty quickly saying that Heavenly Father asked mommy to help Isaac and that he was good to get out. Well sure 'nough today Isaac was put in time out again. The moment I started hearing his prayer I ran into the office and grabbed my phone and  was able to get the last little bit of his prayer today. Here it is:

Isabella
She so takes after me. I really hate to admit it but...my mother was right!  She always told me to wait until I had a girl, and she was going to be just like me. Then, I would pay for everything I did to her, and all the pain, frustration, and gray hairs I've caused her. Well, Bella is 19 months today, and she is already making me pay. Secretly though, I love it! I'm so proud of her for knowing what she wants and sticking to it. With Bella there's no maybe, it's either yes or no.  When she wants something she'll start asking nicely then she screams once, then she throws a fit until she either goes to sleep, time out, or gets what she wants depending on the situation. hehehe. When she does NOT want something she says very clearly and authoritatively "Não quero!!" (I don't want it).  Her English and Portuguese are much better than Isaac's at 19 months. When she speaks Portuguese everything is in the diminutive. It's pretty cute, even Mike noticed it.

She's not scared of bossing Isaac around at all. Sometimes she will push him, elbow him, whatever it takes. She fights dirty. She also loves to do whatever any adult is doing. Yesterday while my mom was making dinner, she decided she needed to put soap in the dish washer. So she did... She opened the cabinet pulled the dishwasher soap, opened it and poured it in the little soap holder. Note the left hand, not the right. She's still showing signs of ambidexterity. Here's a picture to show for it.

7.4

Thank you founding fathers for risking your lives to make this country what it is. If you ever start complaining about your life and that other countries have it better, consider reading the Declaration of Independence.

I'm a proud American. I love this country and all the opportunities I have received by living here. Tonight, we climbed up on the roof and watched the fireworks that were going on at Santa Fe High School. It was so fun to be able to take the two kids up there. Bella was scared the whole time, which was unexpected, and Isaac was so excited to be on the roof watching the fireworks.

Here are a couple pics from tonight. By the way I LOVE New Mexico nights, the stars are beautiful every single night. I'm so glad once again I get to see and enjoy them.

Won't worry be happy...

Happiness in my life means many different things. I'm grateful for a lot of stuff. But seriously when something like this happens, I'm very very grateful to be able to see, for my almost perfect vision, (according to Dr. Mikey).

Look at this and tell me if it isn't beautiful. I've doing a photography workshop with Kwaku Alston, the Kwaku. Today we went to the Bonanza Creek Ranch to shoot our models, and right when we got there and were waiting to sign in, everyone looked up at the sky and saw this.

Then after 4 hours of shooting and staging and stepping on cow patties, I get home and look up at the Heavens and lo and behold I see this:

 I got out of the car grabbed my camera and shot this.  Click on the pics to see the full size version. Both of these shots have not been touched up at all. Pure nature here! If you look carefully, you can see my car kind of hidden from behind some bushes right  in the bottom and middle of the picture.

I quickly had the whole family cross the street with me and marvel at this act from God. It actually got even more intense when it was the four of us out there looking at it, and a double rainbow started to come out on the right corner, but it was still faint.

So today, guess what I'm super grateful for: VISION.

We will walk until my blood runs out until our heart is burned....

Somehow I forgot to publish this post from a few days ago...

Almost 4 miles mostly uphill. It was a good little run. We've been in Utah for the weekend, and in the last  5 days I did 4.5 sessions, attended a baby shower, went to Ikea, attended my newphews' birthday party, church, cheered for Brazil in the World Cup and need to go see about working on some Stock Photography projects.

I love my life, the life my God has given me, that I have chosen to lead. I'm so grateful for everything I have, I am, and for everyone around me. This weekend has been so great. I've been in a constant state of Zen. It's an undescribable feeling, it's like a small dose of adrenaline constantly flowing, nothing negative getting in. This is the first time I've been to Utah in the last year after the hardest two years of our lives that I can finally enjoy this beautiful place that was home to me for almost 15 years.

We worked very hard to get out of the mess we accidentally put ourselves in, and we did it. And now as we slowly put our financial life back together, I can see how strong we have gotten by sticking to our goal of perservering when it was hard, and seemed impossible. We got to the bottom, well it could have been worse,but for us it was the bottom, and we dug ourselves out of it. There's nothing better than the feeling of conquering the unknown and conquering ourselves and our fears.
Needless to say ,this morning as I was running uphill next to the Provo Temple, listening to my iPod, as the sun is shining in all its glory sending energy speckles my way, my heart was pounding and pumping with gratitude for this wonderful life I've been blessed with. For being healthy, and for the three most important people in my life, for my family and for the knowledge that God is there and He hears me every single day. Sometimes I wonder  how people in this world live their lives without The Almighty being a central and essential part of their lives, or without believing in Him even.

He's there people! He is REAL. And He loves us. If you are reading this and you're doubting and you really want to know, Ask!  Seriously ASK!!! Get on your knees, cry, scream, do whatever you feel you need to do. If anything, you will feel a lot better  for doing it. As the days go by, keep noticing your feelings. They start to change, and you start to change.

And if at first you don't succeed...

You know,  I must either be crazy or completely on the right track. The track that no one cares for follow because it doesn't make sense. But seriously, I feel like the more I take the road less travelled by, the more things become clearer and make better sense. I've been noticing that I keep on working on things that hurt. Call me masochistic, but I've really enjoyed it. Whether it's my running, which I frankly am not a fan of, or reading and acquiring knowledge, or striving to perfect an ultra healthy diet, or my favorite best accepting my faults and loving myself anyway.

I have literally felt growth in working on things that seem too hard, or almost impossible. Now they are hard or impossible for me, and they could be quite easily (in fact I know they are) for other people. I guess I'm finally starting to understand what discipline means! In the last few months, I've been actively working on a few goals that are mainly for my benefit in learning to do something that I don't like, just so I can stretch the boundaries of my puny brain. It has been amazing! Of course all of these goals are goals that will have a very positive result, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen them. But the active part of doing these goals is an exercise in perspective change, if that makes sense. I've done these things before but not quite to this extent. For example, I've never liked onions, tomotoes and a billion other vegetables. But I have made myself eat them so much that I now can actually enjoy tomatoes and LOVE brocolli, the onions I'm still working on.... I've taken these types of brain stretching exercises as I like to call them, and made them harder ones.

Within the last 6 months I've noticed quite a difference in my attitude towards these goals, results in my way of thinking about them (whether I like or dislike them),  and results in my life due to these goals. The best part of these exercises is I have gained more discipline, and I'm deeper in touch with myself. I have even come to like all my faults, flaws, and defects whether they are physical, emotional, spiritual or whatever. By 'liking' I don't mean to say that I like something that is negative about myself, but  I have definitely come to accept those things, and still find joy in the person that I am.

Lately, there has been a hustle and bustle of activity within my sphere of influence( using a sales term again) in regards to relationships, friendships, acquaintances etc. I find it fascinating to see that most of my peers find happiness/identity through being social.  I'm not saying it's good or bad, right or wrong, but I on the other hand, find my identity hidden somewhere inside myself. I like to look inside my black hole for happiness, and although sometimes it is very hard to find it, it is there tucked under some rock in the pit of my stomach.

I wonder if it's just maturity finally creeping up on me, although I don't think one can label maturity as being able to do things alone or being able to withstand the uncomfortable or painful. If it is, maybe I am finally grown up! LOL :) But seriously I've been more likely now than ever to do things alone, to not ask for advice from anyone, to enjoy the pain of stretching my mind, body and spirit. I really enjoy all these things and it makes me extremely happy to say that.

Anyway,  this is becoming a long post about my blah blah blah's.   Moral of the story is if you don't like something keep doing it, if at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again, and again, and again. You are bound to make it and when you look back you'll see that you actually enjoyed the process.  :)

Bathrooms are done...well, almost.

So the bathroom nightmare is over! Well, at least the guy who was working on the bathrooms is gone. There are a few loose ends, but I'm super happy to say this trial has passed. I'm very happy with the quality of the work up until just about a week before it was over. I fired the guy because he accused me of shorting him pay when I had already 100% of his bid and work wasn't even finished. It was an ugly argument and Mike told me later that he came outside when he heard me screaming to make sure the guy wasn't going to hit me. I know, I know I gotta be nicer, but I blew up when he accused me of owing him money, when I'm super honest. I can't stand stuff like that, don't mess with my honesty!! He came back a few days later when someone else was about to finish the project and said he was sorry but then he never did anything quite the same. Eventually I told him that whatever was not done by such date was going to be done by me. Thus the few loose ends. As usual in remodels/costruction, I ended up paying double for the work done, but I got the bathrooms I wanted.

I've been dying to post these but I've wanted to have all the accessories in place. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find small square shadow boxes to put the sand dollars and starfish I bought in Florida and then put up the surfing frames I had in Isey's room in Saratoga.
So without further ado, I unveil the bathrooms:

KIDS' BATH BEFORE

                

POWDER ROOM BEFORE

AFTER

Beach Week #1

Gosh, when I think about the fact that we only go to the beach a few weeks out of the year, I sure get sad. When I lived in Brazil I was such a beach rat, well living a mile away helped of course. The one thing I still don't understand is that I would go to the beach at 8am and come home at 3 or 4pm. If I weren't bodyboarding I'd be playing frescobol(portuguese for much cooler paddle ball) all day! Now I go for a couple of hours and it's too much so I have to come back for most of the day only to return around 4pm. I'm getting old!!

We absolutely LOVE going to Florida. Pass a Grille has been home to my aunt for 11 years now and I've going to there since she moved. It's clean and quiet, and the ocean as you can see in the pictures is perfect for kids. I told Mike that going to her house has replaced going home to me. It represents everything that I used to know about Brazil, but since Natal is getting more touristy as the years go by and consequently with it comes crime, I really worry about going back there to visit with children.

So what did we do all week? We woke up had some breakfast and off we went. Bella couldn't get enough of the water. Isaac has finally conquered his fears and will go out to his shoulders(as long as an adult is with him). Bella isn't a fan of waves yet, they rock her too much and she loses footing a bit. They both love being in the water especially when the tide is out and there's a 25 ft sand bar in front of them. Our days consisted of playing in the sand, or swimming or going for walks on the beach and playing with shells.

Naps happened around noon for Bella and I took some time to do the same. Isaac and dad stayed at the beach a little longer. I love napping in a hammock, in fact I will throw down anyone who attempts at stealing a hammock from me while I'm there, good thing there are two of them. Beach living is so simple and so wonderful!

The best part of it all for us, is that both Mike and I have our annual "what are we doing with our lives?" talk when we're there. It's an annual Board Meeting for Vee Company(this isn't really a company, it's just what we call our family). We talk about what we're doing and how that is helping us get to our goals. We refine our goals, and get inspired, rested, and recharged to come home and keep at it. That's why I love going there so much. There's always a spirit of gratitude: 1. for God who has given us much and we've been able to take these trips, 2.for Tia Teia who is so welcoming (I ate her whole Bolo de Rolo while I was there all by myself), 3. for nature who can calm and sooth us and help us get in touch with ourselves. I was telling a friend when I got back that the ocean to us is like that tree in Avatar, Etwa I think? We plug in to the all living beings while were there, even our ancestors. I wish I had one of those tale thingys they had in Avatar.

Yesterday I became a Mother.

For almost two years, I've been yearning to go back to work. I've missed my job, the ego massages, the right to brag, the proving of something to someone out there. It has been almost like a midlife crisis, at 30.

I love real estate, and above all, I loved what it gave me while I was doing it: big ego boosting and pride. Those two things are obviously either good or bad depending on their context. I especially loved competing with men who like to compete with women.

I know I'm sick. And I have been sicker for the last two years because when you distance yourself from something you start to forget the bad and only remember the good. You romanticize, and fantasize and reality goes down the drain. It has been one of, if not the biggest struggles of my life. Career or family? Obviously my family started on God's own time, and He seems to keep making things happen in my life without consulting me. To put it in real estate terms, I have given him universal agency and so as my Agent He does what He sees fit for my welfare. Thank you my Perfect Agent!

Anyway, so yesterday I became a mother...for good. Forever. With no but's or if's or maybe's. I've been wanting so badly to feel like I mattered in a worldly sense again, I wanted to go back to being respected, admired for being successful, etc etc etc. This life of cleaning up after kids all the long, having dinner ready, making a house a home just hasn't been for me. Or so I thought until 8am yesterday.

I received a call earlier this week from Pulte Homes to come in to interview with them, to go back to work as a sales consultant in Santa Fe. Pulte owns Centex Homes and they are the only tract builders in Santa Fe. I knew I didn't want to commute to Albuquerque, and it just so happens that SF is where they needed me. Things just seemed perfect. I told me I didn't want to work on Sundays, despite knowing that in new construction real estate, that's like saying: "I don't want to sell homes." It was an awkward interview, at least for me. The VP of Sales was pretty much looking at me with a look that said: "why the hell are you even here then?"

A couple of hours after the interview the General Sales Manager called and said he was emailing me an official job application. I got home and emailed him back and thanked him for his time, but that I wouldn't be the right fit for them. Around 3pm he was calling me to talk about a position that was opening up in Santa Fe that would be perfect for me. No weekends at all, floating 3 communities, etc. I politely declined, it just didn't feel right.

I had been with the kids in the car since 6:50am, they stayed with Mike in the parking lot while I went in for the interview. We got some food later, went shopping for our trip, while dad headed to work in Gallup. We drove home, they came with me while I went visiting teaching, and we finally got home pooped from so much activity. I looked at those kids, and I just couldn't bear the thought of not being with them every single minute of the day. Everything I despise about being at home suddenly didn't matter. Everything that I've been wanting to get back to in the last two years, suddenly didn't matter. The only thing that mattered, where those sets of little hands and little feet that call me Mommy. What am I going to do with a six figure income, if I don't have the time to enjoy trips with my family? If can't have the freedom to go to the park on playdates, or to the pool, or to drive 3 days in the car to get to the beach and watch them learn about the ocean, get a tan and take naps in a hammock?

Yesterday, I became a real Mother. The mother I've always dreamed I would be. The one my parents, grandparents, and in-laws would be proud of. That I'm now proud of being, my true Title. It was a hard day yesterday, surreal because I got what I thought I wanted, and then I pushed it all aside to keep what I have right now. From now on, it's time to enjoy taking care of my family, and making great memories with them. I think I just changed from living in the future, where life is perfect, to living in the present where life is not so perfect. And you know what? I like that much better...

 Master Oogway is completely right:

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the now is a gift, that's why we call it present."

Bella's Mess.

1001 struggles

Lately, I've been thinking a lot of the fight within. I don't know how many of us even realize them, I personally think a lot of people don't realize the location of the struggles, and think they are externalities (to use an economics term) Somebody once said: "I have seen the enemy and he is us." There's no truer saying.

I struggle with a lot of things. They are all very personal to share with the blogosphere. But needless to say, my struggle is all internal. It's a fight within myself. Just like in the old cartoons when there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Which one do you let win? It's amazing how many tricks our minds play on us. This is a long, deeply intriguing and time consuming subject. And more than anything I just wanted to share something that helps me every day (besides lots of praying) how I can feel better, positive and keep my perspective.

Music is such a deep part of me, it's melted into my soul and I have no doubts that the creation of music together with the experiencing of it, is part of God and His love for us.

Here are a couple of songs that I just love, especially when I'm working out.

Because the songs were playing at the same time as my songs below I've added the to the player:
They are the following:


One Day by Matisyahu
We Will Walk by Matisyahu

What a stressful week.

Well, I sat down to vent about my week. It was a nightmare, horrible nightmare. Seriously it has drained me of every ounce of energy that I have. So I'm not gonna write about it since I hate people who are negative and I don't like being negative myself. (Rephrasing: I despise people who are negative) I just don't have energy for it. Instead here are some pictures of what Bella has been up to this week.

Playing on the puddle of water, left by the handy man who is doing our bathrooms. Getting completely drenched. Look at that cute little foot.

Eating dirt that Isaac mixed to give to the birds. I love those big brown eyes.

This week was also Mike's 40th. I planned a little party for him which was a  success at least in turn out. I didn't get everything I wanted to get done, but no one noticed just me. I forgot to tell Mike's assistants about his bday and it wasn't in the calendar, but I still called them and Espe managed to have a little surprise party after he got back from "guy's lunch". Mike is a happy 40 year old, and since 40 is the new 30, he's actually younger than me now.....

My "own" Dr. McSteamy.  Happy Birthday Lover!

Here's that nostalgia again...

I have lived here for 16 years and it happens every Spring: Nostalgia hits me once again. Whenever the possibility of Summer presents itself and especially when Mike has a day off, I travel back in time. In my head it's a Saturday, dad is off and consequently it's 'beach day'. We used to wake up between 6 and 7 am, my mom and dad would have made breakfast which always seemed to be cheese sandwiches and chocolate milk, or  cheese sandwich and juice. (My dad used to make the best orange and papaya juices. Freshly squeezed. We all knew what we had to do before leaving the house: clean our rooms, help the parents get the rest of the house organized and off we went to the beach. Even when I just went with my friends, this is the ritual on Saturday mornings.

To this day I still cannot clean the house without some music blasting on the computer or my iPod. My dad still does the same thing..I miss those days, they were good. My childhood and early teenage years, were really good. That's not to say that life in general hasn't been because it's been better than I ever expected and for that I'm very grateful. But, on days like these I miss my home, what used to be home back in my old country. I miss that everyday is summer, that the sun shines and burns you badly and that no matter how hard you try to not to, you do end up with a tan.

As my dad is faced with the advent of immigrating to this country, and fighting it to the death(it seems like), I can totally understand why he doesn't want to come. I accept that he doesn't want to come here. I could see how for him it means leaving all those memories, the life and legacy that he has created behind. It's a lot easier coming when you are younger and have no clue what life is and what you are going to do about it. But when you are retiring, it must feel like now you get to sit and watch the fruits ripen on the trees you've worked so hard to grow and flourish. Leaving those trees behind, must be torturous and painful. I get you daddy, and I'm there for you.

Kids Bath Sneak Peek

It's almost done!!!

Here's a sneak peek of the most frustrating bath remodel ever. And you would think that for as simple as this bathroom is, it could've never have taken so long and have been so frustrating.

Cabinets are in, sink/countertop is in, and now we need the plumbing fixtures and toilet which will happen this afternoon still. The plumber is on his way. I gotta run to Lowe's for a few other things and voilá, the kids will take their inaugural bath tomorrow morning, YAY!!