The Spiritual Workout Routine.

I'm up once again earlier than I'd like to be. 24 hours ago I was trying to fall back asleep after Isaac threw up next to my bed, and all the way to my bathroom. It was so gross, and the stank unbearable so I had to get out my carpet cleaner and take care of the situation at 3:30am before it was too late in the morning. Consequently last night I was exhausted....We started watching a movie together as a family and I fell asleep on the couch.  My throat is killing me and between going to sleep to early and the pain, I woke up at 4am and just couldn't sleep anymore.

As I lied in bed, I contemplated why our family has been sick for two plus weeks. I kept wondering where I went wrong, where I stopped being vigilant about washing hands, about always cleaning the store carts before letting the kids sit inside, about making sure we were eating healthy. It's amazing how these little things that seem so basic, and unimportant make the greatest difference in how quickly we can go down with a fever or feel healthy almost always. I even heard on the radio about 3 weeks ago (last time I went to the gym), a report on NPR about a study proving that people who workout at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes are 30-40% less likely to get sick. I found that very interesting and it struck a cord with me.

While I was thinking about all this, another thought came to me, (and this is why I love our brain and memories by the way). Quickly I recalled a bishop I once had, I was back in his office in the HFAC at BYU, and he asked me how I was doing with my scripture study. I remember telling him that at that moment it wasn't perfect, that I would read once in a while but not daily.  And he said, "Renatha, I know that you are an active girl, and that you like to work out a lot."  I replied that it was true and that at that time I was doing the Body For Life Program, I was at the gym 6 days a week, eating super healthy and had never felt better physically.

He looked at me and said "Renatha, you need to start looking at reading the scriptures daily and praying as a workout. What happens if you stop working out?" I said: "I don't grow muscle, my current muscles will probably atrophy and turn into fat, I won't be as fit as I am now."  He wisely asked:"What do you think happens to your testimony of the gospel when you don't work out spiritually?" I thought, "hmmm, he's teaching me a lesson here...."My spirit and testimony will atrophy and I won't have spiritual muscle".  My bishop smiled, I think he could tell a light bulb turned on in my head.

Not to say that I've been perfect on following his counsel, but I have never forgotten that lesson. During times when I'm more proactive in reading my scriptures, I also happen to write down a LOT of whisperings that come to me, I listen to beautiful and inspiring music, and I literally feel that infamous Armor around me. I see a noticeable difference in my levels of patience with my children and my husband, I let things roll off my back much easier, and I feel strengthened. On the other hand, when I'm concentrating too much on myself and my desires, my precious time alone with my thoughts or photography or whatever, and lack to read my scriptures and spend more time conversing with the Lord, I feel weak. I feel like my spiritual immune system is ready for a virus attack or worse yet, a bacterial infection that will only go away with some strong dose of spiritual antibiotic. Boy...those are so hard to administer to myself.  It would be so much easier to go to my spiritual doctor, but fortunately for me I know that I was given the role of being my own nurse practitioner. I have become my own Primary Care Physician, and the Lord my Specialist. I have to do the job of referring myself to Him, so he can take care of the worst illnesses.

The need for a spiritual workout routine is immense, and currently I'm failing at it. I need to go back to my routine because "it", is the only thing that helps me stay sane, that helps my spiritual muscle grow, and consequently that helps me keep my spiritual reflexes at their sharpest. When sickness comes, those reflexes often push the sickness away, and sometimes even before I even notice it was a threat. We all need a spiritual workout routine. The same way that working out our body causes it to produce endorphins that aids us in our health and good mood, so does a spiritual workout produce the same type of stimulation. As I  sit here writing this, I'm recommitting to my spiritual workout and to my physical workout. I know I'll be getting better soon, both physically and spiritually, and I hope my little family can get better too.

31+1=32

Mike woke up me this morning and asked how old I was today, and I said, "I'm 32 honey, I'm growing up!" Then he said: "one day you will be mature, and old."  So apparently to my 40 year old lover, I'm not mature yet...

I think I was born 32.  I don't remember when I could actually count to 32, but I remember thinking that my mom was so old at 32. I was 11 back then...and thought I was so mature and responsible. Oh the funny things we think of ourselves....the best part is that they never go away, do they? We continue to think funny things of ourselves until when maturity hits at whatever age it finally arrives, IF it ever arrives at all. But really...going back to the 32 thing, I have always felt 32.

Throughout my life I remember dreaming about all the professions I wanted to be. Forever I wanted to be an architect, then a marine biologist, then a flight attendant (so I could travel for free), then a business woman, then I settled for interior designer. It was the best profession I ever had! I remember in high school and my first years in college, envisioning myself as the type of girl who shows up at gallery openings, and can talk to people about culture, and art, and architectural movements. I specifically remember I'd be wearing a turtleneck and maybe a pencil skirt or classic trousers. oh....those were such great days!  I remember feeling like I was  becoming that person as I worked at the Museum of Art at BYU as an event coordinator, and while I took all my humanities and design classes. I remember one early morning running up the steps of rape hill on the south side of campus, the sun was just peeking behind the Y mountain and starting to melt the frost on the trees by the Brimhall building, and I literally felt growth. It was mental and emotional growth, and I felt so strong and independent. It was my senior year in college and I was almost done.

I remember going through my growing pains, of being a 11 year old girl that was taller than everyone else, I remember when my womanhood arrived, 2 weeks before I was 12 and I thought to myself:  "Finally!! I'm officially a woman!" Such weird and funny memories. I also remember when one day it hit me that I had become the woman I had always envisioned myself being. It was so weird and good at the same time because I've always felt like everyone around me was telling me I wasn't good enough to be anything that I always dreamed of being. And here I was, I had a great life and had become Me.

Turning 30 wasn't as bad as most women make it out to be, probably because I've always been 32 at heart. The last 2 years of my life, no doubt, have been the best two years of my life. I've grown the most and I've even surpassed that woman I wanted to be. It's a humbling experience to see more growth, after the end goal. I know for sure that the growth has only come through all the trials, and tribulations and dissapointment I've had to deal with, and with a lot of help from Heaven Above!! I've learned more and more, and I've learned that you gotta own your good, and own your bad, and stand a little taller.

I look back and see the hip-gallery-going-chick, but I see much more than that. I see a fighter, who is slowly and finally learning to channel her tongue, fighting skills and energy towards the greater good. Towards motherhood, towards being a warrior mother. In last years I've learned that we need to always push past the finish line. That's the way we grow, and that's the way we start to make and leave a legacy for our posterity and for those in our sphere of influence. I think this is what 30's are meant to be, we're meant to stop struggling with our little demon on our shoulder making us fight with the angel on the other shoulder. We're meant to start looking outside and pushing the inside out, playing outside the box so to speak. We're meant to be women who fight not within ourselves, but we fight for others, for good, for freedom and life, and all the good that is being suppressed in the world.

I'm happy with myself because I finally feel comfortable with myself, my intellect, my heart, mind and even my body. I have accepted that this is my reality, and gladly take it with a lot of gratitude to God and to my loving husband for helping me accomplish these things and become Me.