We will walk until my blood runs out until our heart is burned....

Somehow I forgot to publish this post from a few days ago...

Almost 4 miles mostly uphill. It was a good little run. We've been in Utah for the weekend, and in the last  5 days I did 4.5 sessions, attended a baby shower, went to Ikea, attended my newphews' birthday party, church, cheered for Brazil in the World Cup and need to go see about working on some Stock Photography projects.

I love my life, the life my God has given me, that I have chosen to lead. I'm so grateful for everything I have, I am, and for everyone around me. This weekend has been so great. I've been in a constant state of Zen. It's an undescribable feeling, it's like a small dose of adrenaline constantly flowing, nothing negative getting in. This is the first time I've been to Utah in the last year after the hardest two years of our lives that I can finally enjoy this beautiful place that was home to me for almost 15 years.

We worked very hard to get out of the mess we accidentally put ourselves in, and we did it. And now as we slowly put our financial life back together, I can see how strong we have gotten by sticking to our goal of perservering when it was hard, and seemed impossible. We got to the bottom, well it could have been worse,but for us it was the bottom, and we dug ourselves out of it. There's nothing better than the feeling of conquering the unknown and conquering ourselves and our fears.
Needless to say ,this morning as I was running uphill next to the Provo Temple, listening to my iPod, as the sun is shining in all its glory sending energy speckles my way, my heart was pounding and pumping with gratitude for this wonderful life I've been blessed with. For being healthy, and for the three most important people in my life, for my family and for the knowledge that God is there and He hears me every single day. Sometimes I wonder  how people in this world live their lives without The Almighty being a central and essential part of their lives, or without believing in Him even.

He's there people! He is REAL. And He loves us. If you are reading this and you're doubting and you really want to know, Ask!  Seriously ASK!!! Get on your knees, cry, scream, do whatever you feel you need to do. If anything, you will feel a lot better  for doing it. As the days go by, keep noticing your feelings. They start to change, and you start to change.

And if at first you don't succeed...

You know,  I must either be crazy or completely on the right track. The track that no one cares for follow because it doesn't make sense. But seriously, I feel like the more I take the road less travelled by, the more things become clearer and make better sense. I've been noticing that I keep on working on things that hurt. Call me masochistic, but I've really enjoyed it. Whether it's my running, which I frankly am not a fan of, or reading and acquiring knowledge, or striving to perfect an ultra healthy diet, or my favorite best accepting my faults and loving myself anyway.

I have literally felt growth in working on things that seem too hard, or almost impossible. Now they are hard or impossible for me, and they could be quite easily (in fact I know they are) for other people. I guess I'm finally starting to understand what discipline means! In the last few months, I've been actively working on a few goals that are mainly for my benefit in learning to do something that I don't like, just so I can stretch the boundaries of my puny brain. It has been amazing! Of course all of these goals are goals that will have a very positive result, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen them. But the active part of doing these goals is an exercise in perspective change, if that makes sense. I've done these things before but not quite to this extent. For example, I've never liked onions, tomotoes and a billion other vegetables. But I have made myself eat them so much that I now can actually enjoy tomatoes and LOVE brocolli, the onions I'm still working on.... I've taken these types of brain stretching exercises as I like to call them, and made them harder ones.

Within the last 6 months I've noticed quite a difference in my attitude towards these goals, results in my way of thinking about them (whether I like or dislike them),  and results in my life due to these goals. The best part of these exercises is I have gained more discipline, and I'm deeper in touch with myself. I have even come to like all my faults, flaws, and defects whether they are physical, emotional, spiritual or whatever. By 'liking' I don't mean to say that I like something that is negative about myself, but  I have definitely come to accept those things, and still find joy in the person that I am.

Lately, there has been a hustle and bustle of activity within my sphere of influence( using a sales term again) in regards to relationships, friendships, acquaintances etc. I find it fascinating to see that most of my peers find happiness/identity through being social.  I'm not saying it's good or bad, right or wrong, but I on the other hand, find my identity hidden somewhere inside myself. I like to look inside my black hole for happiness, and although sometimes it is very hard to find it, it is there tucked under some rock in the pit of my stomach.

I wonder if it's just maturity finally creeping up on me, although I don't think one can label maturity as being able to do things alone or being able to withstand the uncomfortable or painful. If it is, maybe I am finally grown up! LOL :) But seriously I've been more likely now than ever to do things alone, to not ask for advice from anyone, to enjoy the pain of stretching my mind, body and spirit. I really enjoy all these things and it makes me extremely happy to say that.

Anyway,  this is becoming a long post about my blah blah blah's.   Moral of the story is if you don't like something keep doing it, if at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again, and again, and again. You are bound to make it and when you look back you'll see that you actually enjoyed the process.  :)

Bathrooms are done...well, almost.

So the bathroom nightmare is over! Well, at least the guy who was working on the bathrooms is gone. There are a few loose ends, but I'm super happy to say this trial has passed. I'm very happy with the quality of the work up until just about a week before it was over. I fired the guy because he accused me of shorting him pay when I had already 100% of his bid and work wasn't even finished. It was an ugly argument and Mike told me later that he came outside when he heard me screaming to make sure the guy wasn't going to hit me. I know, I know I gotta be nicer, but I blew up when he accused me of owing him money, when I'm super honest. I can't stand stuff like that, don't mess with my honesty!! He came back a few days later when someone else was about to finish the project and said he was sorry but then he never did anything quite the same. Eventually I told him that whatever was not done by such date was going to be done by me. Thus the few loose ends. As usual in remodels/costruction, I ended up paying double for the work done, but I got the bathrooms I wanted.

I've been dying to post these but I've wanted to have all the accessories in place. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find small square shadow boxes to put the sand dollars and starfish I bought in Florida and then put up the surfing frames I had in Isey's room in Saratoga.
So without further ado, I unveil the bathrooms:

KIDS' BATH BEFORE

                

POWDER ROOM BEFORE

AFTER

Beach Week #1

Gosh, when I think about the fact that we only go to the beach a few weeks out of the year, I sure get sad. When I lived in Brazil I was such a beach rat, well living a mile away helped of course. The one thing I still don't understand is that I would go to the beach at 8am and come home at 3 or 4pm. If I weren't bodyboarding I'd be playing frescobol(portuguese for much cooler paddle ball) all day! Now I go for a couple of hours and it's too much so I have to come back for most of the day only to return around 4pm. I'm getting old!!

We absolutely LOVE going to Florida. Pass a Grille has been home to my aunt for 11 years now and I've going to there since she moved. It's clean and quiet, and the ocean as you can see in the pictures is perfect for kids. I told Mike that going to her house has replaced going home to me. It represents everything that I used to know about Brazil, but since Natal is getting more touristy as the years go by and consequently with it comes crime, I really worry about going back there to visit with children.

So what did we do all week? We woke up had some breakfast and off we went. Bella couldn't get enough of the water. Isaac has finally conquered his fears and will go out to his shoulders(as long as an adult is with him). Bella isn't a fan of waves yet, they rock her too much and she loses footing a bit. They both love being in the water especially when the tide is out and there's a 25 ft sand bar in front of them. Our days consisted of playing in the sand, or swimming or going for walks on the beach and playing with shells.

Naps happened around noon for Bella and I took some time to do the same. Isaac and dad stayed at the beach a little longer. I love napping in a hammock, in fact I will throw down anyone who attempts at stealing a hammock from me while I'm there, good thing there are two of them. Beach living is so simple and so wonderful!

The best part of it all for us, is that both Mike and I have our annual "what are we doing with our lives?" talk when we're there. It's an annual Board Meeting for Vee Company(this isn't really a company, it's just what we call our family). We talk about what we're doing and how that is helping us get to our goals. We refine our goals, and get inspired, rested, and recharged to come home and keep at it. That's why I love going there so much. There's always a spirit of gratitude: 1. for God who has given us much and we've been able to take these trips, 2.for Tia Teia who is so welcoming (I ate her whole Bolo de Rolo while I was there all by myself), 3. for nature who can calm and sooth us and help us get in touch with ourselves. I was telling a friend when I got back that the ocean to us is like that tree in Avatar, Etwa I think? We plug in to the all living beings while were there, even our ancestors. I wish I had one of those tale thingys they had in Avatar.