A mean mom.

I hear this on a daily basis. Better yet. Almost an hourly basis. In the alternating hours, I hear "Mommy, I love you so so much" or "I love you my lovely." So which one is it? Is it just me going through emotional roller coasters all day, or are my kids following suit?

Yes, I have to admit I seem a lot more mean than most moms. I lose my cool and raise my voice and I guess there's no justifying it. However, I have always had a loud voice so it has taken me a long time to tame it down to where it is now. It's sad though that my kids only hear me when I yell their names.

This is a hard equilibrium to achieve in daily life. One minute you're cuddling up to those priceless beauties you created in your vessel of life, and the next minute you're screaming bloody murder and putting them in time out. In my case, time out and bloody murder generally don't happen at the same time. I count to 3, lately to 2,  and it's time out time. The screaming comes when I ask usually about 5 times for toys to be picked up about 5 times during the day. Do the math and that's 25 times a day.

I know there's that cute little saying about cobwebs and babies who don't keep, but I'm sorry I enjoy a clean house and so does the honey. There's another little invisible friend who enjoys too, the Holy Ghost. I shall never forget a story told either in general conference or the RS general meeting when a lady who had a messy house was prompted by her visiting teachers to go to the temple and to pay attention to how things run, how things 'are' and how she felt there. The result was that she learned to keep an uncluttered, orderly house and it made a difference even in her relationship with her husband. I also will never forget a few years ago when I had just cleaned the kitchen and my mother was staying with me during that time. She said she immediately felt peace and well being when she walked in.

I love my children,  and I love teaching them to be better people even if it hurts their feelings for 5 minutes. I clean up the toys more when I have friends over with their kids, than I clean up an entire week after my own kids. I like that very much. Is it really a crime? Can someone really say I'm mean for making them clean up after themselves? Sure they are little, but you have to start somewhere.  I didn't learn to be organized until I was in college. I bet I could have learned a lot more, and had more time for other interests if I had learned it sooner. Is it mean of me to make them earn and pay fake pirate coins for their toys? I like to think I'm teaching them the value of work even if they don't quite realize it yet. After all, I don't want them to end up blaming others when they don't achieve their  dreams because they didn't work hard enough.

Am I really mean, for pushing them to learn above their age level? Beethoven was taught to play the piano by his father at 4 or 5. Some say he would stand there crying in front of the piano. Jean Francois de Champolion was 7 when he became obsessed with Egyptian history and consequently in his late 30's, he deciphered the Rosetta Stone gifting us with the language of Ancient Egyptian civilization. Tiger Woods was 3 when he started playing golf with his father. Please tell me why, I should look at my kids in any other way than the amazing potential that they truly are? I believe in progression, I believe in eternal life, I believe in paying the price to achieve greatness. I don't see why, while I work on those things myself, I cannot usher my children into a higher level of behavior, thinking and achieving.

Some times, when I compare myself to the mom next to me, it's easy to see I run a military style household. I easily seem tyrannical and dictatorial. While I would never want to be  compared to the Tiger Mother, I do take pride in raising well behaved, well spoken, happy children with a passion for learning whatever is thrown at them. They have to make their beds (I do help once in a while), they have to brush their teeth and put toys away before playing with another one. And in return for all that, they get to eat  expensive gluten free pancakes and with Grade B maple syrup, lots of probiotic drinks and candy-yogurt as well as homemade wholewheat bread, organic fruits and veggies while playing on iPads during our countless travels throughout the country. Someone tell me these kids are not lucky to have such a mean mom like me?  They can call me what they want during 'sunny time.' At the end of the day when it's 'sleepy time', they still snuggle up to me to read bed time stories, kiss me and tell me they love me. And that's when I know the daily struggles and labels are all worth it.