And if at first you don't succeed...

You know,  I must either be crazy or completely on the right track. The track that no one cares for follow because it doesn't make sense. But seriously, I feel like the more I take the road less travelled by, the more things become clearer and make better sense. I've been noticing that I keep on working on things that hurt. Call me masochistic, but I've really enjoyed it. Whether it's my running, which I frankly am not a fan of, or reading and acquiring knowledge, or striving to perfect an ultra healthy diet, or my favorite best accepting my faults and loving myself anyway.

I have literally felt growth in working on things that seem too hard, or almost impossible. Now they are hard or impossible for me, and they could be quite easily (in fact I know they are) for other people. I guess I'm finally starting to understand what discipline means! In the last few months, I've been actively working on a few goals that are mainly for my benefit in learning to do something that I don't like, just so I can stretch the boundaries of my puny brain. It has been amazing! Of course all of these goals are goals that will have a very positive result, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen them. But the active part of doing these goals is an exercise in perspective change, if that makes sense. I've done these things before but not quite to this extent. For example, I've never liked onions, tomotoes and a billion other vegetables. But I have made myself eat them so much that I now can actually enjoy tomatoes and LOVE brocolli, the onions I'm still working on.... I've taken these types of brain stretching exercises as I like to call them, and made them harder ones.

Within the last 6 months I've noticed quite a difference in my attitude towards these goals, results in my way of thinking about them (whether I like or dislike them),  and results in my life due to these goals. The best part of these exercises is I have gained more discipline, and I'm deeper in touch with myself. I have even come to like all my faults, flaws, and defects whether they are physical, emotional, spiritual or whatever. By 'liking' I don't mean to say that I like something that is negative about myself, but  I have definitely come to accept those things, and still find joy in the person that I am.

Lately, there has been a hustle and bustle of activity within my sphere of influence( using a sales term again) in regards to relationships, friendships, acquaintances etc. I find it fascinating to see that most of my peers find happiness/identity through being social.  I'm not saying it's good or bad, right or wrong, but I on the other hand, find my identity hidden somewhere inside myself. I like to look inside my black hole for happiness, and although sometimes it is very hard to find it, it is there tucked under some rock in the pit of my stomach.

I wonder if it's just maturity finally creeping up on me, although I don't think one can label maturity as being able to do things alone or being able to withstand the uncomfortable or painful. If it is, maybe I am finally grown up! LOL :) But seriously I've been more likely now than ever to do things alone, to not ask for advice from anyone, to enjoy the pain of stretching my mind, body and spirit. I really enjoy all these things and it makes me extremely happy to say that.

Anyway,  this is becoming a long post about my blah blah blah's.   Moral of the story is if you don't like something keep doing it, if at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again, and again, and again. You are bound to make it and when you look back you'll see that you actually enjoyed the process.  :)